so i have a hard time getting shit done like i mean im behind in like alomst all my things in my one class and today i did some i got 4 done and i told my old best friend and they said cool and it broke me like i told you something that made me happy and you didnt care. im sacerd to ask my best friend to help me put it in the right things becasue shes working but i mean i did it and i got some done and it just hit me fast to the point where i didnt even know what i was doing im using this as an excuse so i dont cut myself or something i mean i would right it but my eating disorder got so bad to the point where i can barely do normal things without my body failing me like my body wants to give up and yet im here still and i ate the other day at school and the only one who cared was my best friend becasue it was for her and i was thinking how shes moving and she wont see me recover from self harm or even my eating disorder but it hurt so bad to the point where i cried by myself thinking how i scerwed up everything i can even get done the stuff that needs to get done like i just sit here and do nothing but i have to do something so thats why i start writing by the end of my time i will be able to write a whole book with how much i have talked about my one partner i told them i got work done and they are like me with the not being able to work and they just said cool like i told you something and thats all you have to say. it hurts me when people dont think about what they are gonna say like it could tear someone apart and yet no one thinks about it and they arent gonna even look at it because they will just think oh it doesnt matter or say somthing like but you did this to me so we are fair like fuck. i was talking with one of my firends and well i have weight on me ok i know that ok and i hang out with all the skinny people ok it sucks and my one friend i woulkd really say they re my friend but you know they tried to say they were chubby when they are skinny as could be and its like look at me and say it again then but no one thinks about it becasue in a way they just called me fat becasue they think they are fat so they must think im fat right. i feel like crying my eyes out at lunch again here we go again i want to ask my best friend to help me but im so scared i have never been this scared to ask something and its something so simple i feel like just stop talking to people and see what happens becasue i always start every thing
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