Cold Bitch

Hungry Like The Wolf - Duran Duran

It's one hour before the sun sets and Eddie can't believe his friends have managed to manipulate him to do this. It's cold, they're all dirty and Eddie has only eaten breakfast. Thinking about the pizza place only ten minutes away he starts to wonder what time they close. His stomach rumbles as he looks at the vampire trap they have been preparing the whole day, unimpressed. Vince, the monster nerd, had been doing some modifications to the cage they found in the old bunker they used to play in as kids. Apparently, the self proclaimed mastermind has come up with some way to make the lid come down and lock itself as soon as the "vampire" steps into the cage. This was beautifully displayed by Mountain, the stoned rock of our little group, when he mindlessly wandered into the trap with the blood bags to be laid out in the bottom of the cage to lure the vampire in.

The blood bags had been provided to them by only Seattle's absolutely finest (and purest!) citizens, 100% AIDS free! Procured by the "sly" and oh so "smart" M, who had, like a black cat in the night, sneaked in and out of the "highly surveillanced" facility that is the temporary blood bank five minutes from their school. In other words, M works there and has the keys... It took him about three minutes to get in, get the bags into his Man Of Steel themed backpack and get out. Amazing work Mountain...

"we're not gonna catch a fucking vampire, you do realize that Vince?" Mickey says with a sigh, looking disappointedly at Vincent. He's been staring at the cage for half an hour without saying a word. He's way too cool to believe in all of this but I think he finds it a little bit amusing. I also think he's actually a little bit too cool to be hanging out with us to be honest. I often find myself wondering what he's doing with Vince, M and myself. He could easily be one of the popular kids at school, I can see him running after blond girls in the hallways with one of those flashy varsity jackets with the rest of the jocks.

"Shut up Mick, you're just jealous of my genius." Vince fires back dismissively, continuing to admire his work. He doesn't even look at Mickey, cocky bastard. Mickey just scoffs and ignores his remark. Not that I would ever admit it, but I'm actually kinda impressed by Vinces innovation. "Eddie, don't you agree that this is a little bit impressive at least?" Ugh. "Fuck right off Vincent."

Almost as if reading my mind, M says something that isn't absolute, complete shit. "I'm kinda hungry." He mumbles. He had smoked two fat ones while we had set the trap up. I don't know if he had eaten anything before we started but after that it's not really that astonishing that he feels like eating. "Wow! big surprise you are hungry..." Mick comments arrogantly. Vince laughs at that but I havent really eaten today.

"I'm actually kinda hungry too." I say, my mouth almost watering at the thought of a big, greasy pizza with lots of cheese and other unhealthy toppings. I mean It's getting cold, might as well put on a few pounds to last the winter. Gotta stay warm... I prepare to tell the others about this outstanding offer, but as soon as I open my mouth to speak, M gets there before me.

"YEAH, we could go to my place!" He shouts cheerfully. Oh no... "My mom has made this amazing-" His mom? Oh HELL no. We do not want to go there. And we do not want to eat anything that she has had her disgusting hands all over. Mountain's parents are kind of hippies, hence the name, and they tend to spend a lot of their free time naked. His whole house has been polluted by wrinkly, fifty year olds unwashed asses. That's not happening, not today. "Hey, anyone know when that pizza place closes?" I quickly interrupt him, saving us all from the house of nudist horrors. I can practically see Vincent's whole body relaxing again, and hear how Mickey lets out a breath, like it's been pent up inside him for twenty years or so.

Mountain thoughtfully looks up to the sky, tilting his head to the side. Fuck. He's gonna try again. "I'm actually-" Luckily, Mickey is fast. He quickly interrupts him. "Let's go check!" Teamwork. That was beautiful, thanks Mick. I love you man. We all hurry into the truck and drive off. Mickey jumps into the driver's seat, partially 'cause M is too high to drive and partially out of fear he would, in his intoxicated state, drive to his mothers house anyway. I jump into the car next, scoring the unfortunate middle seat getting squashed between Mickey and M. Vince sitting on the floor, with M's knees shoved in his face, where he belongs. This way we're secured from the endless rambling about some useless splatter "film" no one is ever going to watch. God we're good.

After a fiery discussion about what kind of pizza they wanted, they finally arrived, relieved to see that it was still open for another hour. Good to know. As soon as they got inside Eddie excused himself to the bathroom, needing to go so bad he naively trusted his friends to get his order right. As he's standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, washing his hands he realizes how hot his skin is against the cool water running from the tap. Actually he's hot all over. He splashes some water in his face trying to cool down when he gets a whiff of something on the other side of the door. The pizzas have finally arrived, great! He thinks to himself then he feels the disgusting smell of mushrooms soiling the air along with the delicious one of his pizza. He knew they'd fuck it up one way or another..

As he's drying his hands it hits him that he's still in the bathroom. He shouldn't even be able to know the pizzas are ready, much less what's on them. He hurries out of the restroom to see if his mind is just playing games with him. Once reaching the booth his friends are at, he searches the table for his pizza and lo and behold, there it is, repulsing slimy mushrooms peeking out of the cheese. "What took you so long?" Mick asks rudely, shoving a slice of pizza down his throat at the same time and bringing Eddie out of his thoughts. "I just took a huge dump in your honor, Mickey. Really refreshing." He laughs and sits down while Vincent, the squeamish one in the group, makes a face. He could easily watch someone's intestines getting ripped out brutally without even flinching, but if someone even mentions picking boogers, he looks like he might puke. If he ever were to puke, he would most likely never stop, repulsed by his own vomit.

Starting to meticulously pick out the pieces of mushroom with a fork, from his already doomed pizza he gets properly annoyed with the imbeciles sitting around the table, enjoying their perfect pizzas. EVERYONE knows that he always orders without the mushrooms, annoying the cashier by saying it twice just to be safe from the evil vegetable. He had been particularly specific, even though it is a known fact by now that he avoids them at all costs. Saying it multiple times in the car and right before he left to go to the toilets. Useless fucking goldfish. While thinking about how stupid they were for ordering with the mushrooms despite all of that, he doesn't even realize he's so hungry he's started to eat the slices with the mushrooms still on...