Twisted

Chapter 23

*Hell Nov. 29, 1934*

"Mom?" 

My world stopped spinning for a brief moment. A million questions spin around in my mind. 

What is she doing here? How did she get here? Does she hate me now? Does the monster standing before her scare her? Is she aware of the horrors I commited? Why isn't she saying anything? Has she met Alastor? How did she find me? Why is she in Hell? Would she still love me?

Questions my mind so desperately wants to blurt and get the answers. Questions my heart is scared of. 

What's wrong with me?

Despite the overflow of emotions my mouth stays clamped shut. I don't trust my voice. I don't trust my heart. 

I force my emotions down to keep my face as neutral as possible. As far as I know this could be one of Lucifer's tricks. 

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod once toward the demon looking like my mother. "Is there something I can help you with?" My voice is even but as I trail off there's a bit of a waver. As much as I try to suppress it, deep down my heart is yearning for this to be truth.

Mother's face falls into a scowl. "Really? After all these years and that's all you have to say?" She asks. Her hands travel to land on her hips as she stares at me, eyes sparkling between hurt and confusion.

I sigh and push myself away from my desk. "I'm sorry but I don't know what else to say. Things have been..." I pause and glance over at a poster of a performance of mine when Lucifer had me in a muzzle. Darts, knives, and other sharp objects are imbedded in the wall around it and on it from when I would throw stuff in anger. "Things have been difficult lately and I'm not sure who to trust anymore." I answer and turn back to face mother. "I'm not sure what's real anymore. All I know is I've been fighting for a long time."

Mother drops her hands to her side and puts on a sympathetic smile. "I'm real darling. I promise." 

I look at the tears collecting in her eyes and can't stop the ones collecting in mine no matter how hard I try. I blick feverishly trying to regain control of the emotions trying to break free. I exhale a shaky breath and face mother. She has that same look on her face but this time pride and love sparkle in her eyes. 

She steps closer and I know there's no hiding the tears anymore. Her hand is warm against my cheek as she grazes my skin with her thumb, wiping away the tear that fell despite my efforts. 

"You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound~"

Her voice is soft: a mother singing a lullaby to a child. Memories fill my mind.

"There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control~"

She would run her fingers delicately through my hair as she held me close humming her song. 

"Rid of the nightmares inside your head
Put all your faults to bed~"

I remember singing the song to Alastor when we had bad nights, the song my mother taught me.

You can be king again~"

Mother stares into my eyes as she hums the ending melody to the song. She smiles not of pity but of pride. The love in her eyes is unparalleled. Her voice is stern yet soft when she speaks, yet there is pride in every syllable. 

"My darling you are so strong, fighting all these years." Her words break me. Tears run free as a sob rips through my throat. I crush her in a hug as she strokes my hair, listening to me cry. She feels warm. She feels real.