𝐾 𝐴 𝐿 𝐸 𝑁

Epilogue

T E S S A ' S P. O. V

It's been five years exactly and this day still haunts me.

I wake up in my Queen sized bed, feeling lonely and desolate as I'm curled up beneath the covers. I never knew how much sharing a bed with someone imprinted itself on your bed.

Four years, and I'm still sleeping on the right side of the bed because he loved the left. I'm still dangling off the edge, thinking he'll scoop me back into the middle. I still wear over sized shirts to bed, his overnight shirts, hoping to feel the warmth of his arms wrapped around me.

It's sick to dwell on the part so much. It prevents you from moving forward.

I think if it wasn't for Aurelia I would have been gone a long time ago. Ironic since suicide is something my mother considers a sin and to an extent I'm supposed to now that I'm a practising Catholic.

I don't, nor will I ever, because I understand how it someone can be driven to it.

When all hope and love and light is snatched away, you're left with only your own mind for company.

Those first few months were horrible. Then Aurelia was born and suddenly, I had something to live for again.

I attended church with my parents because it was a distraction from the pain, and in some way I found it freeing. One of the pastors inspired me to develop my faith further and help others.

I have money. Kalen made sure of it through his will, so I took to volunteering with my daughter strapped to my chest. Maybe I did it for a reminder of everything I have left, or maybe because she was everything I stand to lose in giving up life?

Either way, she saved me. Just like I saved her father.

"Mommy!" My five years old screams, jumping on top of me. I laugh whole heartedly, helping her onto the bed. She lies besides me, sucking on a lollipop I never said she could have.

"Aurelia, it's only eight o'clock. No sweets." As I try to take it, she pulls back.

"But it's daddy's favourite flavour. Blue sherbet. He would have wanted me to have it." I know I should be applaud she's using the anniversary of Kalen's death to eat sweets, but I love her too much to stay mad, especially today.

"Only one, go get ready for school." As she clambers over me, I quickly grab her arm.

"Wait, how you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I cried a little but I'll be better at school. I miss him." She whispers the last part so quietly it barely passes my ear.

I suppress my own tears because I know that will only make her feel bad. Aurelia's empathy extends far, she hates seeing others hurt but feels deeply for those who do.

"Me too, my little daisy." I hug her close. "Me too."

I smother her with kisses until she's pushing me away laughing, until I finally let her go. It takes so much effort to get out of bed, that most days I contemplate just lying here until the sun falls and the moon rises again.

"Hurry up mommy!" My daughter is such a stickler for time, I can't help but laugh and force myself out of bed.

We complete our routine. Get dressed, I tie Aurelia's hair into a braid, we eat pancakes loaded with syrup and then brush out teeth, the two of us trying to make the other laugh so hard all the toothpaste splutters out.