Eternal Burning Pain

Poisoning darkness

I wish that I could tell you that everything was back to normal and that Mattheo and I are back together, but its not that simple. I have felt guilty about what I did to Mattheo all summer long. Today I was going back to Hogwarts for my sixth year. My parents are proud that I did not get kicked out last year, but they aren't exactly super proud because they still have two more years they think I'm gonna get kicked out again within the two years. I got on the train and sat with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. We talked for a while until Blaise came to tell me he needed to talk to me. I told them that I'd be right back. I followed blaze into an empty compartment, when I got there Mattheo was there. I looked at Blaise confusedly, of course my luck was going to be this is terrible and I couldn't tell Blaise what I've done. The only person in our house that knew what I did was Draco and he knows our friends are too stupid to believe that I did do something like that to somebody that I love.
B- have fun you two.
he smirked and walked away. I sighed and sat down.
M- I don't know what's wrong with him. He's probably gone mental.
J- I think he's been going mental since the day he was born.
We both laughed and I wished he knew who I was. Yes, he has no memory of me.
M- I like your laugh it's cute.
I just smiled, I wanted to cry when he said that. He said it just be kind not really knowing who I am. And that moment I wanted to give him his memories back, but I can't not yet.
J- thanks, I think your laugh is cute too.
M- funny, I am Mattheo by the way.

All I wanted to do was cry and cry because it felt weird. It felt awkward knowing that I know exactly who he is but he has no idea who I am. So for now I had to play along.
J- Nice to meet you Matheo Riddle.

After I said that it really is to not tell me his last name. crap what do I do?
M- I didn't tell you my last name.
J- sorry, I am  friends with Draco and he's told me about you and we had classes together last year.
M- OK then. What's your name?

It felt like I was just meeting him again. Why did I feel so awful right now, I already felt awful but now that I'm looking at him knowing that I have the power to make him remember me is even worse.
J- I am Jessica. Jessica Potter, yes Harry's sister.
M- Well, nice to meet you Jessica.
J- Jessica is to formal. Call me Jess.
M- all right then, Jess it is.

We sat in silence for a while. I couldn't think of anything to say, without making it sound confusing since the only thing I thought to say was something that he has forgotten. I excused myself and went back to the compartment where Ron, Hermione and Harry were. I stayed silent and listened to what they were talking about, while drawing.

*at Hogwarts*
I was sitting at the Slytherin table next to Draco and Mattheo. Pansy was across from me and she looked between me and Mattheo and then said.
P- What happened?
Draco  knew what was going to happen. He tried to stop it but it didn't work.
D- Pansy don't! Leave it.
P- why? They are normally all over each other.
D- pansy! Leave it, you don't need to know everything! Leave them be.

She really could not take the hint Draco was trying to tell her to stop. I knew she was going to keep going I knew that this is not gonna end well. I hold back my tears. I looked at Theo he was so confused at what was happening.
P- Jess? Why aren't you guys talking, holding hands, and Jess your head is usually on his shoulder.
J- Pansy!  Draco told you to leave it! You don't know the shit that I've been through, you don't know anything. So why don't you just leave me the hell alone.
After I said that I got up and ran out of the great hall. I got to the common room and sat down on the couch crying. Somebody came in and I thought it was Draco, but it wasn't.
M- hey are you OK?
J- yeah I'm fine.
M- can you explain to me what happened back there?
J- yeah, you might want to sit down.

He sat down across for me on the couch. Saying how caring he was, even though he didn't know me made want to hug him and not let go. We sat there for what felt like hours  but really it was five minutes. I couldn't think of what to say, I knew how to make a difficult decision. Do I give his memories back or do I lie and tell him something crazy. I decided to go with the first option, but I couldn't do it in the common room where everybody would see. I knew what I was about to do it was super risky, but it was worth a shot. I leaned over to him and kissed him, he kissed back for a second then pulled away.
M- whoa! As much as I want to continue to kiss you, I barely know you. So it's not a good idea.
J- I guess your right.
I say and move back to where I was sitting before. As I looked away not wanting to make any eye contact. I was looking at the fire place not paying to Mattheo what so ever. He moved closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

M- Jess, there's something about you that I can't quite put my finger on.

I knew he had some kind of memory of me because all I did was alternate his memories. I made it so he couldn't remember that we were ever together. I wanted to cry because the person that I'm in love with doesn't know that he loves me to.

J- I'm sorry Mattheo. Can we talk some where more private?

I wanted to explain things to him and give him back his memories of us. He doesn't say anything and he grabs my hand. We go up to his dorm.

M- what do you want to talk about?

He says as he sits on his green couch. I pull out my wand and point it at him, he gives me a confused look. I take a deep breathe then say "Renter-voreto-memore-ies" when I say that he sighs and begins to have tears running down his face. I walk over to him and lay my head on his shoulder. Mattheo smiles and pulls me onto his lap.

M- I know that you think I'm mad at you.....

He pauses and grabs my face with his hand, then continues to talk.

M- I am not mad at you at all Jess! I know you did it to protect me. My father tortured me during the summer because he wanted information about Harry.

J- I'm sorry Theo. what did he do?

M- he used his wand like a knife and caused me to have more scars. Every time he thought I wasn't telling the truth, that's when he would torture me.

I looked at him and then kiss him. He kisses me back and I straddle his lap. We continue to make out......

(TO BE CONTINUED)

(A/N the next part will start with smut then go to the story)