The right mate.

Chapter 9; Realization (edited)

Point of view: Bella

Another couple of days had past by quickly. There was only two days left before the whole family would be back, and I was still as confused with my feelings. I had been passing a lot of time by myself, in my room or with my daughter. I wasn't trying to avoid Jasper, but I needed to reflect on how I felt. I needed to make sense of my feelings for him.

I still felt no regrets for what had happened. But knowing about his feelings, I knew I had to figure out mine. I didn't want to hurt him more than he had been previously. But still, the need of feeling close to him never left me. I craved his touch, to feel complete in his arms. It was a constant reminder that I needed him in my life.

I was watching Nessie play around with her toys. She was already looking closer to a one-year-old than the two-week-old she actually was. She was walking on all four around the house, grabbing onto everything and exploring on her own. She didn't seem to talk much, only letting us know what she wanted.

Jasper had watched her again yesterday, while I went hunting because I needed to clear my mind, but also because I was hungry, being a newborn and all. When I had came back to the house, I was met with the same vision as previously and I had caught myself wishing to see this all the time. It felt so natural for him to be around her. She could have been his, if things would have turned out differently.

While watching my daughter, myself sitting on the ground next to her, I hadn't noticed Jasper joining us in the room and sitting on the couch behind me. It was only when I felt my tense mood dissipate that I knew he was in the room. He wasn't playing with my emotions either, it was just the effect he had on me. He was able to calm me down by just being in the same room and it was so difficult to ignore.

I turned around to look at him. He was watching Nessie, a book in his hands. I was glad that he was giving me time, not pushing me for answers. I knew that he was doing it on purpose, letting me realize things at my own rhythm.

We hadn't really touched each other since the other night, but I knew it was better than way for now. Because I knew once we would touch, we wouldn't be able to control ourselves. Every time I had touched him so far, I found myself unable to think properly and losing all control, left with only lust and the need to feel him closer.

At least, being in the same room was enough to keep us functioning. Even if I had been passing a lot of time alone in my room, we had still seen each other sometimes. Just like now, where we didn't talk but we were still in the same room, satisfying both our need to be in the presence of the other.

I loved the way he would just sit there, reading a book, concentrating on every word. He was a lot more like me than I had thought he was. I had learned more about him in five days than I had in years. But this was because he was finally opening himself to me, not scared of being caught by anyone. We were alone and I wished we could be this way forever.

I still couldn't believe that my husband could be such an awful being. He had been awful to Jasper and had kept him away from me all these years. I knew that the other day, Jasper had kept the real cruelty of his words to himself, not wanting to shock me more than I already had been. But I could imagine that it hadn't been pretty, since he had chosen to stay away from me even though it only brought him pain.

And to think someone had hurt Jasper mentally or physically, it hurt me too. The more I thought about it, the more I started hating Edward for it. He had no right to keep this away from me. He should have at least given me the opportunity to get to know the man now sitting in front of me.

The more I thought about what had happened in the last five days, the more my feelings were becoming clearer. Jasper's words about mate love kept turning inside my head, mixing perfectly with my own feelings. It was all clicking into place, slowly but surely.