Citrus: Mei's Story vol. 9 - Frozen Heart

IV. Liar

"Yuzu, you just came back from spending the day out! Are you really going out again?!"
I stood like a statue in the hallway as I watched Yuzu slip on her shoes. Mother was nearby and looking at Yuzu in bewilderment and slight disappointment. Yuzu just shrugged off Mother's words.
"It's our last night before school starts up again. It's the last time Harumin and I will be able to hang out this summer."
Mother sighed and crossed her arms, but Yuzu didn't even falter or hesitate. As soon as she was done putting on her shoes, she turned and headed out the door.
"I'll be home late! Don't wait up for me, Mei."
And then the door closed and she was gone. Mother spun and looked my way. I was trembling and my tears were refusing to be held back much longer. Half a minute after she left, my willpower gave out and I started wailing.
"I don't want to leave her!"
As if pulled by some invisible rope, I ran towards the door in the hopes of catching Yuzu before it was too late.
"Mei!"
I felt Mother's arms wrap around me as she caught me in a tight hug. I felt my hair grow damp from her tears, and we sank to the floor as she held me. For a good while there was nothing but crying and wordless screams of my sorrow. I felt like the second I was going to leave the apartment once the men were packing my stuff, I would turn into nothing. I'd just cease to be. Even with a year and a half before the likely wedding, it felt like this was the end of everything. I couldn't take it.
"This is my home! You're my mother! I don't care that that's not real, you are my mother! You and Naruka, though I don't know her as well. I don't want to leave! I want to stay with Yuzu! I love her! I want to marry her! Why does Grandfather hate us so much?!"
Mother began stroking my hair as she shushed me like I was a crying child.
"I don't know, Mei. I don't know what he's thinking. I never did. But I'll tell you what I do know. You'll be back! I know that. Yuzu will go and bring you back! It might take her a while to decide to, but she will. I know it! So you just have to hold on for her, ok? Promise me you'll not give up."
Now that I was able to put my feelings into words, I was more than willing to make that promise. The words just kept flowing out.
"I promise! I'll love her as long as I live. Even if she comes too late to stop the wedding, I'll be hers. Only hers. That's what I planned with Haji when he was forced into the engagement as well. No matter what, I will always belong to Yuzu! Promise me that you'll look after her! She'll be devastated when she gets back tonight. I'm going to leave a letter for her in a notebook she and I shared. Make sure you let her read it alone. It's going to sound like a goodbye, but it's a goad. Sooner or later it'll click and she'll act. Until then, make sure she's not alone and sad all the time. Promise me that."
"Of course, Mei! And I'll keep in touch! Both Shou and I will!"
"Thank you, Mother! One more thing..."
I slipped myself out of her arms and wiped the tears off my cheeks. Mother wiped her own tears and looked at me a little confused.
"Yes?"
I reached out and took hold of her hands. I knew I was breaking a promise, but it felt like if I didn't, they would end up in the same situation as Yuzu and I were. I couldn't let either of them feel this pain anymore.
"I don't know everything that happened to you and Naruka before, but I know you're feeling scared to take certain risks. You are in love with her. She loves you. She always has. She always will. She's your Yuzu. She's not going to leave you. Stop being afraid to take whatever step forward you can. Both with her and with Father. Don't let yourself be alone anymore."
There was a long silence before I heard her reply. Her voice was as weak and as shaky as I felt.
"Okay... I promise."
I stood and offered her a tear stained hand.
"Then call her now. Tell her what's happening and invite her to stay with you."
She looked up at me and for a moment she got the same look that I had seen on Grandfather when he had seemed to be seeing someone else while looking at me. She recovered and took my hand to help herself stand. As she did, fresh tears glistened on her face.
"You... you really do look like that friend I told you about. Sometimes it's a little hard not seeing her when I look at you."
I reached over and wiped the tears off. Naruka had told me to be careful with Mother. I knew it was a possibility that this situation might trigger whatever traumatic memories were in her past. So it was very important that Yuzu and her were not alone.
"I'm not her. And neither is Yuzu. We're not giving up. I promise. Now go call your girl. You need her."
As soon as I finished speaking, I turned and walked to what used to be the room I shared with Yuzu. I still had to write my letter to her. The most important thing was that I had to get her to see how much she affects me and that she has a chance to change the situation. But I couldn't push her forward. It hadn't worked with getting her to save me the last time Grandfather took me away, nor with the confessions. I had to bury the fact that I had fallen quickly and that I acted in secret in order to remain with her on several occasions.
In the end, I decided to use the assumption that Suzuran had made to hide certain things. For the people who were aware of my feelings and plans, it would be obvious that the fiancé I was referring to was actually her. And I included a prayer for her happiness at the end that secretly was really for the two of us. It was a letter that if Matsuri or Maruta read, they would be able to figure out the lies and the hidden messages. But to Yuzu, it would paint a picture that she had this strong effect on me and that if I ever saw her... she could convince me that I should be with her instead. I just had to wait for her to get the urge to chase me and not take no for an answer.