Citrus: Mei's Story vol. 9 - Frozen Heart

III. Unseen Tears

It's not too late...
I walked down the sidewalk away from the apartment building. With each step I felt the world grow colder. With each step I fought the urge to turn back. I touched my finger to my lips and thought back to the kiss I was forced to escape from.
What am I doing out here? I belong with her and her alone. It's not to late...
I couldn't go another step away from her. I turned around and started heading back. I even changed the side I was walking down so I'd not be where I would be expected. However I got halfway back to the building, when I slowed to a stop. I knew I was being a coward. I clutched at the ring through my uniform and closed my eyes in prayer to the only deity that mattered.
Yuzu, I love you. Please forgive me for tonight, and give me the courage to make it through so I can come home to you.
Almost as soon as I was done, I heard the sound of tires slow to a stop next to me. I looked over to see an all too familiar town car pulled over. The back window lowered to reveal the stern face of my grandfather.
"Mei."
Damn it...
"Fortuitous timing."
The look he gave me told me that he knew what I had been thinking about doing. His tone was amused and even his words felt like he was goading me to challenge him.
"I was on my way to the house."
I could still run... not to lose them, but to create a scene and maybe cause Yuzu to openly claim me while arguing with Grandfather. I could...
"Join me."
I looked towards the long way back to the apartment and closed my eyes.
"Of course, sir."
Despite my longing, I walked around the car to where the driver had stepped out to open the door. I gave the man a smile as I slipped inside but it was just a mask of politeness. I sat down and looked towards Grandfather for a moment before looking forward and letting my eyes fall. The ice was threatening to consume me faster then the darkness and I could feel the shackles returning to their old places.
"Good girl. I'm glad you finally came to your senses."
There was a smile of relief in Grandfather's voice. As if this was something he had been waiting on for years. I however was feeling my blood boil. I had promised no outbursts, but that didn't mean I was going to just accept his plan without comment.
"You asked me to come so I could meet this match your arranging. Can we please go so I can be back as soon as possible? Yuzu can get restless if I'm not in her arms."
"That girl is going to have to get used to you not being there for her to confuse from now on."
"You told me that she had till I got married to act."
"Correct, but you can't expect me to leave you in that place now that you will have a fiancé."
And suddenly I felt the strongest urge to run. Not to avoid the trial, but because if I didn't, I might never see my Yuzu again. However, I didn't move. Grandfather seemed to take my non-action as acceptance.
"Maybe you'll finally learn something from Lady Taniguchi's example and do what is necessary to protect our family."
"Yes sir."
Maybe I should. She once brought her lover with her to the engagement meeting and openly destroyed it for good. I don't want my family to remain traditionalist, and I want to be with Yuzu.
At my answer, Grandfather called up to the driver.
"Take us to the harbour."
Where is he taking me?!
The driver wordlessly started the car and we quickly left the area. I felt as though we had left a part of me back with Yuzu, and the further we got the more it was becoming necessary. To distract me and subtly twist a knife, I started up conversation.
"Have you had any further interactions with Lady Mitsuko?"
"She has stopped in to discuss her company's relationship with the academy near the start of the summer break."
I had a sneaking suspicion that something she had said during the election fiasco had gone over his head.
"Have you met her fiancé?"
"I haven't had the pleasure yet."
Let's see how this plays out...
"She's a lovely and very clever young woman. One of the best student council secretaries the academy has seen."
"What?!"
Knew it... he hadn't even listening to what she was saying that day.
"I thought she told you before. Lady Mitsuko is like me. In fact she made a point to protect her fiancé when the girl's family cast her out."
The car went silent for a long while as a pondering look swept over Grandfather's face. We didn't dare look at each other. Within me, the longing to be with Yuzu grew to the point where the idea of opening the door and leaping out felt reasonable. I couldn't get his comment about no longer with her out of my head. I glanced towards the latch to open the door when he finally spoke up again.
"The young man I met today was the second son of the Udagawa family."
If I timed it right and was quick and quiet, I might get out safely and without him even knowing. Wait! Why does that name sound familiar...?
"He apparently has an exemplary academic record and management experience."
You can brag about him all you want. I am not interested in men. It doesn't matter who you bring in front of me. It's not going to change. If you changed your mind and started looking for a woman for me, you would have better results. I'd even help. I have the perfect candidate and she wouldn't even need to change her name to be in the family. I think she might be the very best and I know she's interested.
I heard a light groan and glanced over quickly to see him massaging the bridge of his nose before sighing in relief. Once he relaxed, he started speaking again.
"He seems a warm man who has had little ambition until now..."
That doesn't sound like the type of person you would be interested in having him take over...
"Though, I only just met him tonight over dinner."
I blinked and looked towards my grandfather in surprise and concern. I wasn't sure if he had messed up speaking the tense to mean he hasn't met the man yet, or if he meant this afternoon over lunch. But it didn't quite make sense for us to be going to a dinner if everyone but myself had already eaten. As I watched him, I noticed that his hands shook more than they had before. He looked tired and not as commanding as he used to. It was difficult to see what had made me so terrified of the man. I then remembered that no matter how he was physically, our battles had always been through debate and cunning. I sighed and looked down towards my feet. If I looked his way I'd just see the old man he physically was. I needed to remind myself that he was actively opposed to Yuzu and everything I was wanting to build. The more I sat there listening, the more I wished to be with Yuzu. And then Grandfather said something even more surprising.
"But when I consider your life..."
What do you know of my life?
"I feel that such a gentle young man would be the best fit for a husband."
But I never told you what I faced... I spoke about Amamiya once and just enough to suggest I wasn't a virgin. I kept everything else in. Yuzu knows more about it than you do, and she doesn't know any specifics. So what are you even meaning?!
I looked over at him, sure he was about to reveal that he had been aware of everything and just never acted. Instead I found an old man looking tenderly at me, but it wasn't me that he seemed to see. Just seeing this side of him and knowing that while it was directed towards me it wasn't meant for me, caused me to sink into a dread. I couldn't look at this man. I averted my eyes and gripped my bag. Now it felt even more certain that I might not get to return to Yuzu.
"Thank you..."
Grandfather...
"For your concern."
What are you planning? Nothing you're talking about makes any sense.
Suddenly there was an eruption of heavy and terrifyingly sickly coughing as my grandfather bent over from the involuntary exertion. It shattered my fears of a trap and replaced them with the fear that we might not make it to our destination. I loudly called out in the hopes of getting the driver's attention.
"Grandfather!"
A hand raised and started waving me off as the coughing slowly subsided.
"It is alright..."
No it's not. You sound like you shouldn't be out of bed or readmitted to the hospital. Plus you've been saying things that don't quite make sense from you.
"It seems..."
He waved the driver to continue and sat back in his seat as he breathed hard and was covered in sweat. I felt my fear wane but not vanish. From the way he and the driver reacted, this was not the first time he had one of these coughing fits. I tried not to let my fear show, but inside I was a jumble of fears. Part of me still worried that he was preparing to send me away so I couldn't be close to Yuzu. Another part was terrified of the fact that he seemed to be talking to me as though I was someone else at times. Then there was the fact that his health seemed so poor that I might become the new head of the family tonight and have to deal with the death of my grandfather and all it would affect, including the possibility that he might have it in his will that I had to get married so some man could take over the academy. His words were not a comfort.
"My advanced years are finally catching up with me."
Please... we may have our differences, but please don't die tonight!
And then as if to prove his own vitality, Grandfather decided to turn it into a speech.
"Aihara Academy has grown exponentially since my grandfather founded the school..."
And so much of the world has changed since then too...
"So much so that it's becoming too much for the Aihara family to handle."
Only because you and your board refuse to change and adjust to the modern world.
"I personally would prefer to hand it over..."
He glanced towards me before he continued.
"To someone who has the same goals as I do."
Sorry to disappoint you. I do want to protect and help our school continue being considered excellent, but we disagree on how to achieve that.
"But time waits for no man."
Sorrow and regret seemed to grow in his voice. He let out a sigh and nodded to himself.
"Mei..."
Are you about to try to guilt me to give up on Yuzu and the fact that I'm a lesbian?
"I'm sorry to lay this burden upon your shoulders."
I'll take the burden of succession, but it's the burden of your ideology that I am being suffocated by.
I thought of Yuzu and my dream for what I'd do to help the academy and answered with that in mind.
"Not at all."
"If only..."
And here it comes...
"I had raised Shou better..."
I blinked and felt as if the air in the car had just been sucked out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had expected it to be me that he was going to say he wished turned out differently, but he was instead saying it was Father who disappointed him. Father, who had followed every demand Grandfather put to him. Father, who accepted the arranged marriage to the woman who bore me. Father who spent several years doing everything to have his father's approval. But in the simple act of looking for a different path, he had apparently lost every bit of respect and approval he had earned. So much so that Grandfather was likely blaming Father for me just being who I am. In that single comment, everything clicked into horrible place. Yes, there were things I had learned from Grandfather that I would never abandon. Things that were as a part of me as my eyes. But that was not the only things that I learned and treasured. I could never be the heir Grandfather wanted, but I was the right person to take over the family. Not just me alone, but with Yuzu forever at my side. I looked up at the night sky and summoned a bit of the courage my wonderful girlfriend always seemed to have.
"Even now..."
Yuzu, wait for me!
"My father still serves as an educator."
He and Mother have taught me so much. He even helped create the new rule to bridge your traditionalist values with my progressive desires.
"It may differ from the Aihara way of doing things..."
He is a lot less interested in boardroom tactics and manipulation, and he doesn't compromise on his values.
"But when I see his conviction..."
I think of the most wonderful person.
"It makes me realise we really are family."
He and Mother and Yuzu and Naruka. They are the family I always wanted. You are my family as well but it's not the same. It's not lesser either.
"I..."
Am so different than you and even different from him. I am closer to Mitsuko's stance on things, but that doesn't mean I have thrown everything away. If anything Yuzu helps me embrace the lessons I've learned from both of you.
"Have great respect for my father. Just as I have for you, Grandfather."
And I'm sorry. If I get the chance, I will sabotage tonight. I will let whoever this person you found know exactly who I am and that I am taken. I will embrace the part of myself that I deny because I'm afraid it would scare Yuzu. I will embrace my inner Mitsuko.
"I am proud to be a daughter of the Aihara family."
My father's daughter, and the stepdaughter of Ume Aihara. The lover of Yuzu, and the rightful heir to the family regardless of who I love or what anyone says. I'm calling off this engagement one way or another.
I heard a strange hum from Grandfather and looked over to see him staring out his own window. When he started speaking, his voice was a joyful thing displaced from another time.
"I'm so happy..."
Grandfather...
"I have you..."
He looked at me and smiled before starting to say a name, but then something changed and he lost his strange mirth as his eyes seemed to finally see me.
"Mei."
Who were you talking to just now?
But I didn't dare ask such a question, and the rest of the ride was taken in silence. When we arrived at the harbour, Grandfather told the driver to head towards a luxurious pleasure yacht. The fact that it was such a vessel somewhat eased my anxiety. I wasn't likely going to be sent away on something this expensive to take out just around the harbour. We stopped and I started to get out of the car but Grandfather stopped me with a touch.
"This is a social event with the man who is going to be your fiancé. While I appreciate that you thought to represent our family with your uniform, tonight you must be dressed for the occasion."
My door opened and I was handed a garment bag as well as a few packages and a set of elegant heels.
"I trust you will find everything the right size and can make yourself look appropriate."
The driver closed my door and Grandfather climbed out as well to leave me alone. The view out side was blocked as both men stood in front of the doors. I let out a sigh and unzipped the garment bag. Inside was a lovely cocktail dress of deep violet with black velvet trimming along the top and the waist. A lovely cream bolero jacket with short puffy sleeves would cover my otherwise bare shoulders and in the packages I found a number of accessories. A necklace of pearls set in two looped strands. A set of flower hair clips. As well as a pair of clip on earrings and a small clutch. Looking at it all, I felt a twinge of sorrow. It was all so lovely and I knew a very handsome girl who would squeal with absolute joy if she saw me wearing even a single part of it. But I didn't want her to ever learn of whatever would happen tonight. So in honour of my amazing lover, I decided that I would wear everything exactly how I would imagine she would suggest and would make her blush.
It took me a little while, but eventually I knocked on the door and was let out. I looked over as Grandfather came around the car. Once he could see the entire outfit, he stopped and stared with his mouth open in what might have been shock. A little self conscious about my appearance I turned a little to show it at different angles before stopping and assuming the posture that I had been trained in for most of my life.
"How do I look, Grandfather? Did I do well?"
"What?! Oh! You look lovely, dear."
My question seemed to shake him out of whatever had caused him to freeze. He quickly came over and took my arm to wrap around his. As he did so, I realised that he was trying to avoid looking at me too much. We started walking towards the yacht and with every step I felt as though I was being led to my doom. Only my desire to overcome this and get back to Yuzu let me take each step. Beside me, I faintly heard Grandfather speak to himself under his breath.
"She's so much like her."
Before I could turn and ask about it, we were approached by a man close to Grandfather's age.
"Lord Aihara!"
It's odd. This man looks vaguely familiar.
The man bowed as my grandfather turned to him. Instantly, Grandfather shifted into the man I remembered from my childhood.
"Ah, hello! It's wonderful to see you again. Might I present my granddaughter, Lady Aihara Mei."
I felt a hand push on my back as Grandfather spoke. I gave my most proper bow.
"Good evening."
The man's cheerful expression brightened.
"Lady Aihara! Good evening, I am Lord Udagawa."
This has to be the father, or hopefully grandfather, of the man I'm going to reject.
"Thank you for coming. I know you have a very busy schedule."
I'm guessing Grandfather has been lying in order to cover for the fact I wasn't ever around until now. And if all goes well, I'll disappear after this and stay with Yuzu forever. No need to correct him or act in haste
My training took over as I let my mind focus on planning for the perfect opportunity, and I gave a mask of a smile. I let Grandfather speak in my place.
"Not at all."
I can't make too big of a scene or it will mean that I broke the requirements and forfeit the school and my position in the line of succession. So a Yuzu style declaration isn't going to work.
"It is I who should be thanking you."
But then I can't quite pull a Mitsuko and kiss my girlfriend in front of everyone then start threatening to hurt my fiancé to scare him off. Yuzu would have to be here and Grandfather would never allow that.
The two older men chuckled at some private understanding, and Lord Udagawa turned to motion us toward the hallway he had come from.
"Dinner is almost ready. So if you'll please come right this way?"
As I followed my grandfather and his friend down the hall, I noticed a fair number of rooms seemed to easily be accessible on the yacht.
I could just pretend to seduce the man and get him alone to threaten him then, but that runs the risk of putting me in a position where he might attack. I don't quite trust Grandfather's idea of gentle.
Lord Udagawa stopped at one of the doors and opened it to let us inside.
"Please have a seat here."
I entered and found myself in a dining room with a long table set for a standard dinner party. But my attention was instead drawn to one of the other occupants. At the very sight of him, I felt a sense of dread push the ice further around my heart. I could only stare at him as he finally noticed me and stared too. There in a well tailored suit and with his normal messy hair somehow tamed and combed to look rather nice, was the man Yuzu referred to as Manager. Lord Udagawa walked around the table to him and looked at me with the biggest smile.
"Lady Aihara Mei, it's my pleasure to introduce you to my second son, Udagawa Haji."
I definitely can't do anything like Mitsuko pulled.
Without saying a word to each other or removing our shocked stares, we both sat down across from each other. A shiver ran through my entire body as I considered the awkward dinner that awaited us. Once again I had to suppress the urge to run back to the apartment, grab Yuzu, and run. As I looked at Haji's face, it felt like he was having to do something similar.