Halloween at Hillerska [Young Royals Eating Disorder]

Tiny Sandwiches

It's Halloween at Hillerska and Sara is helping Felice decorate, she's rather excited about her first Halloween as an official border. Prince Wilhelm is out with Simon at the local fair- nothing too exciting, mediocre amusements and mediocre deep fried carnival food. August on the other hand hasn't really set foot outside his bedroom except to go to classes and the gym, obviously.

Since leaking the tape, August has been completely shunned by Wilhelm and Felice; the only two people he felt a genuine connection to at Hillerska. Sure he has the lads in society, but the same small-talk conversation everyday over poker and dinner isn't exactly a bona fide botherhood.

Despite pouring out his remorse over voicemails and texts for the past three months, Wilhelm had no intention of forgiving him. No matter how much August craved a friend, how much attention he yearned for, the effort was unconditionally unrequited.

He did have Sara though. Sara recently became a border at Hillerska and to the attention of nobody else- her and August were having a secret affair behind everyone's back. Including Simon, Sara's own brother who she betrayed in pursuit of popularity and properness, had no idea, not even a sneaking suspicion. They were good at hiding it- real good. At night Sara would sneak over to August's room and that was it- strictly night, strictly when everyone else was asleep. Sara is the only person August can have an actual conversation with, the only person who asks him how his day was.

Sara, mid-way through putting up an extremely cheap and flimsy "spooky skeletons" banner receives a text message from August.

"Tonight. 11PM" it read.

-

*Knock Knock*

August opens up his door to let Sara in, she has a big bag with her with a corny pumpkin sewed on the front.

"Be quieter next time you knock, heavy hands..." August teases Sara as they both fall back on the bed.

"What's with the bag? I have all you need right here." he laughs as he plays with Sara's hair.

"I brought over food, I thought we could watch a movie and catch-up."

August feels his stomach drop down to his knees.

"Texas Chain Saw or Hocus Pocus?" Sara suggests, opening up the container she's brought filled with little sandwiches, Swedish fish and home-made tray bakes.

August doesn't snack. August doesn't do carbs. August doesn't do candy and fucking tray bakes. He isn't allowed. It's not part of his plan. Of his routine.

He can't let his guard down and let people see he is weak. By that, he associates eating with weakness. Starving is a strength for August. Running on nothing is the only thing that makes him feel full, as ironic as that sounds.

"August?" Sara says, nudging him with a box of Swedish Fish as he stares into abyss. He's nervous, he doesn't eat in front of others and keep it down. Not anymore anyway.

August snaps back to reality and sticks his lips on Sara's - fiercely and unexpectedly. It was the only thing he thought would distract her.

"I'm tireeeeeed," Sara responds, pushing August away.

"Just a cuddle?," August smiles. That cunning, manipulative smile of his that get's him anything he wants. He really does think the world revolves around him and only him.

Sara laughs and pushes August back onto a lying position before flipping herself over on top of him, fiddling with his hair playfully. The bag of food now fallen to the floor, to August's delight his plan has worked.

"Take your shirt off," Sara demands, kissing slowly down the side of his neck and tugging at his burgundy turtle neck.

August jitters for a moment. He snaps back into his head and out of reality. He hasn't body checked for a few hours, he doesn't know how his body appears to others at this exact moment in time. He feels vulnerable, he needs his armour.

He thinks back to that night he shared with Felice. How he felt so naked in more sense than one. He couldn't think of anything else other than how his body appeared. How Felice would perceive him. If he came across as disciplined and chiselled, or pudgy and rotund. He's been working hard the past few months in the gym and at the dinner table. He set himself a calorie intake allowance- 600 a day and he's been sticking to it rigorously. It would be impossible to completely cut out food or survive on a protein shake a day. August is smart and knows he needs to be smart. If he went cold turkey with the fasting people would grow suspicious, ask questions. When he does eat in the dining hall he would tactfully cut his food into tiny pieces, take slow mouth fulls of what he was allowing himself to eat and manoeuvre the rest around the plate as to make it look like he'd eaten most of his meal, which was never, ever the case.

Sara continues playing around with August, removing her shirt to reveal a subtle pink bra. "Adventurous," August laughs. Sara tugs at his shirt and continues to kiss down his neck.

August hasn't been intimate with anybody since Felice. He's been working out in a loose shirt and pants and nobody has seen his body in months. He's been hiding his shame. Telling himself everyday that one day he'll stop the over-exercising, the restriction, the odd two finger hack leaning over the toilet whilst pretending to be in the shower. He's not ready to expose himself, he's not at his fighting weight...yet.

August, becoming more noticeably uncomfortable, tries to jiggle into a more comfortable position. For a school that costs 20,000 a year, you'd think the beds would be a bit more cosy.

Sara feels something sharp and sits up on the bed.

"August?" she looks to him,

he laughs nervously, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I can tell you're not into it." she replies, sighing under her breath.

August sits up, concerned.

"It's not you, I'm just tired now, that's all".

Sara looks at the black haired boy, evaluating him up and down.

"Take off your shirt, August."

August sighs and pulls the burgundy turtle neck shirt awkwardly over his head.

Sara gasps. What is she looking at. She knew when she felt his rib on her stomach whilst lying on top of him that he must have lost weight but she didn't expect it to be this dramatic. This scary.

She could count every one of his strikingly protruding ribs on his fading torso. His stomach completely concave and his once muscular arms now completely devoid of any muscle, of any fat. He was skin and bones and black curly hair. Sara looking up at the boy notices how sunken his face had gotten and hates herself for not realising sooner. She can't stay here any longer, not tonight. Not now.

Sara isn't fully sure why, but she cares for August. She always has. After all, she chose protecting him over being honest with Simon when the tape was leaked.

August looks at her and shakes his head rather aggressively, as to say without words, "What the fuck are you staring at, what's going on? Speak. Speak!".

"You need help August. What has happened to you." She asked him, rhetorically, before putting her shirt back on and shoving the fallen food containers back into the bag.

She heads for the door.

"I'd leave some sandwiches, but I hate food going to waste".

...