My Personal Diary

Derealization

Derealization feels like a sudden over awareness of whatever I'm doing at the exact moment, place, and time, followed by a strong feeling of what you would describe as emptiness or weightlessness to my physical body and mind.

When this phenomena happens, I usually find myself asking, "Am I really here, now, doing all these things?" Depending on the severity of said situation, it usually triggers a response fairly similar to a light panic attack, followed by an increased heart rate and gradually increasing anxiety

To me, reality starts to bend and feel more abstract. Feels like I'm in a videogame or movie.

Sometimes I feel as if all my actions are scripted. I feel as if I am an observer, even to my own actions, thoughts, and general speech.

Sometimes it feels like I'm listening to what I'm saying as I speak, and I really don't like that so I completely stop talking.

I feel as if I'm still in my own body, but retired to a more passive perspective or position.

Dimensions of familiar rooms or objects seem to distort and start feeling strange. The fabric of reality feeling completely unreal, almost as if it's all fake, or non existent. These things might feel like they're a tiny bit bigger or smaller.

You can't put your finger on it, but you know something is wrong. And it's fucking scary.