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𝑫𝒂𝒉𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒉'𝒔 𝑷𝑶𝑽: My phone buzzed with new messages. I didn't touch my phone until it pissed me off enough.
Most of the messages were from Nadia who was asking what I'm doing. I didn't have the energy to answer her back.
Others were from Sam, letting me know that Miyagi-Do was reopened. Karate was the last thing on my mind at that point.
My head was ponding. I wanted to cry my eyes out, punch the wall and then jump off a cliff. I don't think I've ever felt worse, burdening those around me.
Why couldn't things be the way they used to? Johnny teaching us karate, me and Aisha talking shit and Tory and I hanging out every single day.
Before everyone changed. Before I got hurt. Before I got in a relationship.
I needed to clear my head, badly. So I got up, threw a jumper on and walked to the nearest train station. I bought the ticket closest to the time and jumped on it.
The train ride was 2 and a half hours, so that was plenty of time to do nothing. I turned my notifications on silent, putting on my Spotify playlist.
I put my AirPods in and drowned out the rest of the world. For now I didn't feel self-hatred or guilt or anxious; I just felt nothing.
I guess I just felt too much, so now I feel nothing.
I didn't have a single thought that was plaguing my brain. Not a feeling to remind me that I have a heart.
Just numb.
Somehow that was worse than feeling sad.
~
𝑻𝒐𝒓𝒚'𝒔 𝑷𝑶𝑽: I exited the room after my check in with the probation officer. Just to make sure I wasn't fighting anyone, causing damage or any other shit.
I took 5 steps and saw Robby Keene, sitting there reading over his probation papers. He must've gotten out of juvie recently.
The second he saw me, he stood up abruptly and angrily. He didn't scare me, he couldn't do anything to me just as I couldn't do anything to him.
"Yeah, go ahead. They'll send you right back to juvie." I warned him. His eyes softened as he flushed out the anger that made him clench his fists.
"Looks like we're in the same boat." I taunted, stating the obvious.
"Thanks to you for starting the fight." Robby aggressively blamed. He couldn't blame me solely for his juvie time and I needed to make sure he knew that.
"And you for finishing it." I retaliated. He looked down, guilt flashing in his eyes. Robby knew I was right and he wasn't happy about it.
It clicked how similar we are. Shitty home life, legal troubles, receiving the blame. For the first time in forever, I felt like I had someone that could understand me.
