Gordon: I'm going to actually go insane. He has NO sense of personal space, doesn't respect my privacy, an-and he's always fucking staring at me!
Tommy: M-maybe he thinks you're p-pretty, Mister Freeman!
Gordon: No. You misunderstand. This GUY. THIS IS THE FUCKING GUY. Who- Who fucking stares at me--UNBLINKING, mind you-- for twenty fucking minutes while I eat, o-or when I'm folding laundry, washing dishes, HE TRIES THAT SHIT WHILE IM IN THE FUCKING SHOWER--
Tommy: ...(thinking)
Tommy: Have y-you ever tried gazing back at him?
Gordon: Wh- no, I'm not gonna fucking stare back, I'm not a creep! Also prolonged eye contact makes me uncomfortable!
Tommy: *gives him a knowing look*
Gordon: ...
Gordon: Um. Okay yeah, you have a point. Alright, I'll try it.
The next day, over the phone:
Tommy: S-so how'd it work, Mister Freeman?
Gordon: ...Tommy. You won't fucking believe it. He actually stops when I stare back. It's fucking madness in heaven.
Tommy: H-have I ev-ever wronged you before?
Gordon: *sighs* No. Not at all, buddy. You're literally like. Actually always right. I don't know how you fucking do it but I'm glad you've got my back. I'd give you my left kidney.
Tommy: ...That's gross, Mister Freeman.
Gordon: *exasperated laughter* I'VE SEEN YOU SHOOT OVER A-- A HUNDRED--- you little sunshine fucker!
Tommy: *laughing as well* I'm-I'm happy to help, but I think you sh-should keep your kidney!
Gordon: Alright alright, later Tommy!
Tommy: Goodbye, kidney f-fucker!
[both laughing as they hang up]
A couple days later:
[Benrey proceeds to win every single staring contest since]
Bonus:
Coomer no wait-