Staring Problem

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Gordon: I'm going to actually go insane. He has NO sense of personal space, doesn't respect my privacy, an-and he's always fucking staring at me!

Tommy: M-maybe he thinks you're p-pretty, Mister Freeman!

Gordon: No. You misunderstand. This GUY. THIS IS THE FUCKING GUY. Who- Who fucking stares at me--UNBLINKING, mind you-- for twenty fucking minutes while I eat, o-or when I'm folding laundry, washing dishes, HE TRIES THAT SHIT WHILE IM IN THE FUCKING SHOWER--

Tommy: ...(thinking)

Tommy: Have y-you ever tried gazing back at him?

Gordon: Wh- no, I'm not gonna fucking stare back, I'm not a creep! Also prolonged eye contact makes me uncomfortable!

Tommy: *gives him a knowing look*

Gordon: ...

Gordon: Um. Okay yeah, you have a point. Alright, I'll try it.

The next day, over the phone:

Tommy: S-so how'd it work, Mister Freeman?

Gordon: ...Tommy. You won't fucking believe it. He actually stops when I stare back. It's fucking madness in heaven.

Tommy: H-have I ev-ever wronged you before?

Gordon: *sighs* No. Not at all, buddy. You're literally like. Actually always right. I don't know how you fucking do it but I'm glad you've got my back. I'd give you my left kidney.

Tommy: ...That's gross, Mister Freeman.

Gordon: *exasperated laughter* I'VE SEEN YOU SHOOT OVER A-- A HUNDRED--- you little sunshine fucker!

Tommy: *laughing as well* I'm-I'm happy to help, but I think you sh-should keep your kidney!

Gordon: Alright alright, later Tommy!

Tommy: Goodbye, kidney f-fucker!

[both laughing as they hang up]

A couple days later:

A couple days later:

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[Benrey proceeds to win every single staring contest since]

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[Benrey proceeds to win every single staring contest since]

Bonus:

Coomer no wait-

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Coomer no wait-

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