the marriage stone (Discontinued)

Chapter 50 What Dreams May Come

When Severus had offered to teach him how to use a sword, Harry hadn't known what to expect. He'd been excited by the prospect - the idea of learning the art of the sword appealed to some primal Gryffindor side to him that he just couldn't suppress. But the lessons had been exciting in more ways than one.

He wasn't certain why Severus had offered to teach him - in many ways it was out of character for Severus to give up his free time for something like this. That Severus would give his time to him meant more to Harry than he could explain - that he would teach him so patiently and give him such words of encouragement was beyond belief. Severus' quiet encouragement filled Harry with a warmth he couldn't quite explain.

His entire life he'd tried very hard to earn the approval of the Dursleys. He'd worked hard in school to bring home good grades, hoping against all odds that just once his aunt or uncle would look at his report card and express some sense of pride in his accomplishments. But far from being pleased, any success on his part was met with disgust if not open hostility. To the Dursleys his accomplishments were a result of his freakishness and were to be suppressed at all costs. Eventually he'd stopped caring.

Or at least he'd thought he'd stopped caring. Severus' approval however soothed some deep pain inside Harry that he hadn't known he felt. And despite the time commitment these lessons would put on him, and the muscles that ached afterwards, Harry would not give them up until Severus himself told him he no longer wished to continue.

But the lessons were more than just exercise, and a strange guilty pleasure burned through Harry's blood when he thought of the other side of things. The first time Severus had put his arms around Harry and touched him, he hadn't known what to think. It took only a few moments to realize that this was just the way of things - that Severus needed to move his body and position his stance so that he could learn the proper exercises. But the constant touches - the hands against his skin, the pressure of Severus' strong body against his own when he'd moved in close - it had played havoc with his senses. He'd been married to a man for over four months, had been sleeping beside him, and had recently begun having rather intense dreams about some faceless male, and it was only now he was beginning to think that he just might actually be gay.

Hermione would tell him he was clueless - or perhaps simply slow and dimwitted. But Harry had very purposely avoided thinking such things - even after all those embarrassing talks with the various people who felt it necessary that he understand the facts of life. He could still remember the sharp, skin-tingling crush he'd had on Cho Chang during his fourth year. And more than once he'd looked at Ginny Weasley and admired her form and face. And while he didn't like Sinistra, he couldn't deny her physical appeal. Beyond that he'd never thought overly long or hard about the directions his desires might take him - certainly had never truly turned his thoughts toward men.

Granted he'd been attracted to Julius Snape - but who wouldn't be, he reasoned. And that had ended so badly, he could hardly count it. Then there was the dream - he still flushed in embarrassment whenever he though about that dream. The first erotic dream he could remember having and it had been with a male form - someone tall and strong, well-built if the muscles he remembered were to be believed. But it had been a dream - and so easily dismissed.

But the way he felt when Severus touched him was not so easily dismissed. The heat that flared through his body, the way his heart leaped and pounded in his chest - he could not reason any of that away. He didn't understand why the heat of another body felt so good against his own, or why he was suddenly so fascinated by the scent of spice that seemed to cling to Severus' skin, or the way his dark hair looked framed against his face. Or why the sight of that normally cruel mouth curving into a soft smile made his heart flip over in his chest?