The Darkest Adoration

Chapter 23

MIKHAIL
Honestly, it wasn't the wound itself that hurt.
It hurt because it reminded me of how each and every scar on my body hurt when they first invaded my skin.
It hurt because someone like Luna had sought to destroy me at my weakest.
It hurt that it was me who had turned her into something so cruel and conniving.
And it hurt when I realised I was just as weak and gullible as when I was a child.

'Mikey, my dear child. Just a little more. It will be over soon. I only want to cleanse you of all your sins. You know Mother loves you and she loves you more than the others. Do you love Mother?'
I felt her blade dig between my flesh once more. It hurts. It hurts so much. I know she hates when I cry, but I can't stop myself. I feel her mouth on my shoulder. She's drinking away all the sins from my blood so I can go to heaven. My blood must be filthy and she's still drinking it for my salvation. How could I not love her?
'Yes mother,' I bit my lip and held my throat tight so she wouldn't hear me cry, "I love you."

I stared down between my toes_the water was no longer besmirched by streaks of muddy red. I traced my fingers over the opening of the laceration_ she hadn't struck any of my vitals and she couldn't even if she knew how to. The fruit knife wasn't lethal by any means_all she could have hoped to achieve was punctured flesh at most. I wanted to believe that her intentions spoke of wounding me and not killing me off for good.

Not that any of it mattered anymore. Luna was probably on her way home_or maybe the police station because god damn, she was spiteful. She was the type to see me miserable in jail instead of running home to the safety of her parents' arms first. She was ballsy and I was impressed, even at the expense of several litres of my blood. She was nothing like I was_she would never reserve affection for someone who had wronged her.

If there was one thing I would miss in jail, it was definitely her. Not my morning coffee, not those late night drives on my Harley, not even my cooking_just her. She had seeped into me like an incurable poison and I was doomed to keep on living in the few interactions we had had in past week, forever. A selfish, depraved part of me wanted to do the same to her_carve myself in her skin and remain there as an irreparable scar, ensnarling her in the memories of the time we spent together_even if they terrorised her for the rest of her life.

I hated how I wanted her even more now. She was really making me question my sanity_she fucking stabbed me and here I was pining for her with a gash that hadn't even begun to clot.  I stepped out of the shower and applied an anti biotic ointment from a cotton that turned the colour of a poppy by the time I was done. I wrapped a bandage around my waist, wincing as I cinched it to seal my wound.

I threw on a towel and lurched towards the sink, anchoring myself as I gripped the basin. I spared myself one last look in the mirror_ a pasty, sunken face stared back at me. My pale complexion only added to the ghostly appearance_Damien suggested tanning at the local swimming complex but I never had the time for such frivolities. Perhaps now I would finally give it a try on the prison grounds.

I staggered outside, retracing my bloody footprints to the living room. This was going to be a pain in the ass to clean. I hoped the police would be here soon so I could leave the clean up job to them. I leaned against the door frame and looked up, searching for Angel, but instead I found her.

Luna. Sitting on my damn couch.
Great, now I was hallucinating too. I tried to blink her away several times but she refused to fade back into my imagination.

"Luna...?" I called out, not quite expecting her to answer.
She sat there, beautiful as ever, blood stained hands, guilt stricken eyes and all. My chest ached with an intangible pain and my heart worked at a pace that was lethal to my body in such an enervated state. It was like catching a glimpse of a bountiful mirage in the middle of an endless desert_too good to be true.

"Mikhail," she sucked in a sharp breath, acknowledging me. I tried to ignore how her eyes flitted back and forth between my body and face. I crossed my arms across my chest. She was the last person who I'd want me to see like this.

"Why are you still here? I told you, you're free to go. I won't come for you or anything. Go tell the police and I'll be locked in jail for good," I motioned toward the door with my chin. For a split second, I let myself be swept away on a cloud of selfish hopes and dreams_that she stayed back for me. Why would she? She hated me so much that she was ready to kill me to escape.

"I'm," she swallowed like the words she was about to say were harsh and serrated and she was steeling herself for the immense pain they would bring her, "I'm staying here. I'm staying with you."
"What?"
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay here until you finish up your...whatever you're doing."
"I don't need your pity. Leave before I change my mind."
"This isn't pity. It's a negotiation. Besides, I will stay here on new conditions. I will no longer be held in here like a prisoner. I will stay here as a guest...or a friend."
"You literally just stabbed me a few minutes ago."
"And I'm sorry for that, I really am," she barrelled towards me. I stood my ground even though she terrified me a little now. A charming quality of hers, because there was nothing in this god damned world that scared me.

"Fine. I suppose you aren't doing this out of bona fide goodness. What do you want in return?"
"Experiences. There are things, I want to do and I could never do them under my parents' roof. Well, I'm not there right now am I ?"
"I'm not buying you drugs if that's what you're asking for."
"It's not drugs! Ugh. It's nothing too crazy and nothing you can't fulfil. In return, you get my silence and cooperation. And a friend," she added with a cheeky smile. Funny how she went from a novice homicide to an advocate of peace and friendship within the span of a few minutes.

"Or, I can kill you right now, dispose off your remains in a nearby forest and not deal with any of this right now," I leaned down towards her face with a sneer. She didn't even flinch.
"You wouldn't. And if you do, I won't go down without a fight," she nodded towards my bandages that now had a dark red stain coming up on the surface. It was apparent that I no longer scared her. In fact, she was threatening me. God, she was a remarkable little thing.
"Fine. We'll do as you say, sweetheart," I gave in but not without one last attempt at contention. Instead of an incensed sigh, I was met with a reposeful smile. Honestly, I would let her stab me again if it would earn me another smile like that from her.

I wiped it off real quick when I informed her that she would be cleaning all the blood that my apartment's interior had been decorated with thanks to her.
"By the way," she pursed her lips, her gaze glued to where her the bandage was turning red, "you should really go to the hospital and get that stitched up." The air between us rippled with tension.
"Luna," I shook my head, "do you really think they took us to the hospital after doing all this?" I skimmed my hands over the scars that lined my body. "This feeble stab of yours is nothing, I've had way worse. Your grip was flimsy and your conscience clouded. It'll take a lot more than that to cut through me."

"I hope that no one will try to cut through you again," by the end of that sentence, I felt the warmth of her cheek on my chest and my body dragged into an embrace it neither expected nor braced itself for. Her palms flattened themselves against my back. It was gentle. She was gentle. She made sure not to hold me from my waist_she hovered forearms up at an awkward angle that would surely tire her out soon. Except that she didn't let go, even when they trembled and ached.

I slowly slid my arms around her, afraid that she would pull away if I wasn't cautious enough_afraid that my actions would come out as a struggle instead of reciprocation and she would think I didn't want her there. I rested my chin on top of her head, a familiar lavender scent subduing every nerve of rationality in my body that screamed at me to push her away and rid myself of her for good.

But it was too late for that now. Something far stronger than myself was waging a bloody war against me and everything I had ever known_protecting her from me and my ambitions. It refused to let her become the collateral damage I had viewed her as. And unfortunately for me, it was winning.