~the new girl // elmax story~

how do i know? pt. 6~

max's pov:

as i walk into english, all eyes were immediately on me. "maxine, why were you so late?" mr. smith asked me. i muttered a random exuse as i walked to the back of the room and took a seat. people were still staring at me so i spoke. "what are you all staring at?" i asked as everyone got embarrassed and looked away. "okay, so as i was saying today we are going to write a poem." the teacher told us. "this poem will be due by next class, so start it now. and if i find out there was any plagiarizing, you will get an F." he continued. everybody grabbed a pencil and paper and started to write their poem. i opened up my backpack and dug though it, and pulled out a crupled peice of paper, and a pencil with no eraser. "ugh, i guesss this will do." i muttered to myself.

normally i stuggled with comming up with ideas, and poems, but this time.. it just clicked snd i immediately knew what to write. on the board the teacher wrote down it does not have to rime, so thats good.

her short brunette hair was wavy and curly, and a sweet amber colour like her eyes, her cheeks and lips were the perfect shade of pink, and her lips look so soft and amazing. her eyes are deep and you can stare into them for centries without getting bored. her voice is soft amd sweet, and her smile and touch will make your heart race, and send butterflies exploading though your stomach. she is funny and sweet, and the most wholesome person you'll meet. even if you have only known her for a day, it feels like you've known her for your whole life and more. you can talk about everything without getting bored. and this girl's name is jane.

as soon as i realized that last part i wrote down, i immediately let out a gasp and scribbled it out. shit!! why did i just put janes name!? and why is this poem discribing her!? after jumping to a few different idea's why i did this, i just told myself that i did it by accident, and i was not thinking clearly.

~

as i walked down the crouded hallway towards the cafeteria i kept rehearsing what i was gonna say over and over again in my mind. i eventually reached the cafeteria and walked inside. i walked over to the table me and the boys normal sat at, and saw all four bous sitting there, including jane. as soon as i saw her its like everything went in slow motion, and my heart was beating way too fast, and i almost couldn't breath. a sense of nervousness washed over me, and that was weird for my normal cofident self. even though i had been rehearsing what i was gonna say over and over for the past hour, i immediately forgot everything, and became focoused on jane. "hey guys." i said while sitting down. "hey, how did skipping go?" lucas asked me. "total bust. hey, at least i didnt get detention." i said. "is it easy to get in trouble at this school?" jane asked nervously. "some teachers are strict, but not all of them." mike told her before i could answer. jane nodded and looked relived, but i just felt pissed off. first mike has cooking with jane, and it's obvious he has a crush on her, and he interrupted me when i tried to talk to her. normally mike made me really mad, but today it was diffrent. i was not only mad.. but i was also jealous.

i normally didnt get jealous often, but when i got jealous i cried. yes it was stupid, crying when your jealous, but i just couldnt help it. i am not normally emotional, but if i am then i can normally stop from crying untill i was alone. my ex stepdad, neil, always told me that crying made me weak, and i could not cry. if i ever did show emotion infront of him, he would end up hitting me, or breaking my stuff. it was a very under estimate to say i was happy when he divorced my mom. sure yes i was upset because my step brother died in a car wrek, and thats why he left my mom, and now we are poor and my mom is a stupid alcoholic, but its better then living every day in constant fear.

"max?" jane asked waving a hand infront of my face. "huh what?" i asked while snapping back to reality. "are you okay?" she asked with a concerned expression. "yeah, im.. fine.." i responded. i glanced in the direction of all four boys, and all of them exept mike looked concerned. "max, can i talk to you? alone?" will asked. "uh, yeah sure." i said as i stood up and followed him out of the cafeteria. the A.V. club room was right across from the cafeteria, so we decided to talk alone in there, since mr. clarke gave will a key to get in. "whats up?" i asked him as he pulled me into the A.V. club room. "are you okay? you seem really upset." will asked me. "uh- yeah.. just deep in thought i guess.." i responded. will still looked concerned, and like he didn't buy my answer. i took a deep breath and tried to remember everything i rehearsed in my head. i knew i could trust will, other then lucas he is the one im closest too in the group.

"hey, uh will..?" i asked. "yeah? whats up max?" he asked. "uh.." i stuttered. i took another deep breath before quietly speaking. "uhm.. how did you know.." i said while keeping my eyes locked onto the ground. "that you were.. gay..?" i quietly asked him. i looked back up at him to see his gostly white face. "h-how do you know that?" he asked. "that you are gay?" i asked. "y-yeah... how did you know that..?" she stuttered. "its kinda obvious.. shit im so sorry will, i figured it out and i forgot you have not came out yet." i said feeling slightly embarrassed. "uh its okay." will replied. "but uh, i guess i never really had crushes on girls, and always kept telling myself that im straight, and not gay, and then i started to have feelings for a boy, so i guess thats how i knew." will answered. i nodded and stayed silent. just then will gasped. "holy- max!! are you lesbian?" he asked a bit surprised.

as will said that, that quetion kept repeating in my head.

holy shit..

am, i lesbian?

word count: 1129~