Philophobia (Yandere! Sugawara X Reader)

| Part XLIX: In Pieces |

"I'm... I'm... I think I'm losing my mind!"

I exclaimed, all while Sugawara tried his hardest to calm me down. He kept his arms on my shoulders, holding me gently, like I could break even more than I already have.

"(Y/N), what's all of this coming from? Are you alright?" He asked me, with the finest hint of worry and anxiety in his tone.

"I mean, you were acting a little unusual today, but I don't think you're losing your mind..." Sugawara continued to add on. He said this, but in his eyes wore doubt. Like there was a possibility that maybe I had been.

I then shook my head, frantically-- trying to get my palpitating heart to calm down. "You... You just don't understand, Sugawara... I just-- I even lashed out at Kageyama. He knows something is wrong."

I lowered my head, giving a defeated exhale just before my eyes became teary. "I don't feel like myself. I just know there is something wrong." I tried, but a bit more pointedly...

Only for Sugawara to have given me a heartbroken expression. Still smiling. Like he didn't know what to do for the first time.

So with all of this in mind, I pulled myself away from him, slowly, as though I had no hope. As I did this, I'd nearly forgotten about Mr. K -- and although I was calmer, I was in no shape to face my consequences at all.

My heart was the heaviest it's ever been. Or, well -- second heaviest. The only time I felt this hopeless and sad was when the people around me had begun to die.

"(Y/N), let's talk about this more once you're done talking to Mr. Kurazawa. Here, I'll walk you." Sugawara tried his best to reassure, even taking his hand in mine.

I didn't want to see my teacher. Not if it meant I had to let go of my ex-boyfriend's hands. I don't really want to let go -- they're so warm.

He then gave the back of my hand a subtle brush using his thumb, and with his opposing hand; he reached for my satchel.

He's so sweet... but he doesn't have to carry my things for me. I'd only feel increasingly guilty. After all, I did recently break up with him... yet, here we are. I dared to sigh next to him, taking a step out of the room.

I also didn't feel like speaking at the moment, but he must have realized this ages ago -- 'cause our walk towards the teacher's lounge was peacefully still, and quick.

"It'll be okay, (Y/N). You know I'll still love you even if it isn't." After leaving my hand by my side, he kept my bag clenched in one hand while stroking the top of my head with his other.

I didn't reply. I'd only been thinking about the lies I'd tell Mr. K, my family, friends.

Friends ... If I even have any more.

I nodded. Then after knocking, I took that inevitable step into the emptied teacher's lounge.

━━ 🏐 🏐 🏐 ━━

Something about (Y/N) is worrying me.

I mean, she's said it herself. I know something is wrong, I just have to piece everything together.

She was right. She wasn't acting like her usual self, but I'd assume that's what death would do to a person -- however; I am completely fine.

Hell, /she/ seemed fine. Right up 'till this afternoon. Maybe it had something to do with the pills, maybe she's stressed at home, too ....

...yeah. I should ask. But what else? Her mom mentioned her selective amnesia before, but this was an entirely separate condition. "What else could it be...? What other reason..."

She'd also mentioned Kageyama... which was a problem. What did she say to him? Him to her? Should I be worried?

...I'm worried.

Something /more/ to add to my to-do list today.

And suddenly, my train of thought had been interrupted by the sound of the door sliding open beside me. I didn't leave. A thirty-to-forty-minute conversation wouldn't stop me from walking (Y/N) at least halfway home.

Even if she were bound to be silent, moody and distant. She'll be safe as long as she's with me.

"...You too." She replied, but not to me, on her way out. As she did this, she took a hand to her forehead and gave it a subtle graze. It seemed like she was in pain.

(Y/N) then winced, and it was then did I step towards her with haste.

And when I think more about it... she keeps mentioning headaches and nausea.

"Take it easy." I spoke, offering her my arm... but she refused. Gently.

"I'm okay. Thanks though." She reassured me, but the gears have already begun turning. Twist after twist. I just stared at her as she took a step forward, towards the exit.

Head trauma-- twice, nausea, impulsivity, and all this talk about her 'losing her mind'.

She couldn't possibly be...

Serious?

━━ 🏐 🏐 🏐 ━━

I had so many people to apologize to. My family, friends(?), teacher. If only I could gather them all in one location to make a silly public announcement.

(Y/N) is terribly sorry for inconveniencing you all by being such a colossal bully!

I sighed, thinking back to what happened between me and Kageyama. He was who I wanted to apologize to the most.

After all, I'd also do some digging if my best friend up and disappeared. Especially after acting out of his usual routine.

And this was the first time Sugawara has actually left my side. It was always "I'll walk you home" this, and -- "what if you have a stalker?" that.

From what I can remember, he /was/ the stalker. Or at least he was in Airi's book...

I took my hand to my head, rubbing, still finding fragments of memory separated from each other.

I continued on home. Wearing the longest look I had available. It wasn't like me, sure, but I can't fight it.