royals ♡ m.espinosa

eleven

first update of #20daysofupdates whoop whoop :)

chinally;

i look at the cup in front of me and pick it up, i take a long sip and set it back down as my fingers trace the rim of the cup. it's been a couple of days since i've seen matthew, and i really regret not telling him anything before i left; like how we were meant to be together, and that i had the same tattoo as him.

it makes me sad, how he can't just come and magically find me in this futuristic world filled with thousands upon thousands of people. i wish it was easier to find your soul mate, i wish i would've told him he was mine. i wish, i wish, and i wish but it just doesn't come true. i know i have been mean during my life, not just to my servants; but to everyone.

i've been mad at the world my whole life for not letting me find my true love, and now that i know it's matthew i can't seem to grow the balls to tell him "hey, i love you and you're my soul mate. we're legit meant to be together", i just can't seem to shake the thought that he's poor.

i imagined me falling in love with a rich man, and together we could buy paris for ourselves and live on the eiffel tower watching everyone pass by as we give each other little kisses and secretly flirt with each other, or as we surprise each other with little gifts filled with love.

but maybe that could be me and matthew, maybe some way he could change and then i would finally pass the fact that he's not rich, not rich like me or the rest of my family. but then again, i don't want to change him to the part where he's not the sweet, loving, and caring man he was when i first saw him.

there's just so many things i hate in life, so many things in my life that i want to change; and if i could change one of them, i would change the thought of me wanting to change matthew. because he's already perfect, he's just so genuine and unique.

his smile, his hair, his jaw line, his eyes, his little nose, just him in general is something i never want to change; but that doesn't stop my mind from thinking it, it's like my whole body doesn't listen to the one thing that i don't have but is there;

my cold hearted heart.

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i feel really bad for putting chinally in this situation, and this was just a filler chapter so sorry babes.

xox, claire