Against The Grain

DISHONORABLE

People Judge You && Assume That You're Crazy Or Insane Because You Find Yaself Stuck In A Deep Situation ' Im Not Crazy I Did What I Did Because They Betrayed Me' Here I Am In Love' Married To A Man Who Chased Me For Years' I Told Myself Over && Over Again That I Would No Longer Give Love A Try' I Been Married To My Husband Devon For 8 Years Now' Devon Been Chasing Me Around For Years' I Had No Attraction To Him What So Ever' But I Guess Seeing Him Try So Hard To Get Made Me Want To Give Him A Chance' && I Did && When I Tell Yall This Man Took The Best Years Of My Life' He Was Everything You Wanted As A Man' I Swear Everything Was Good But Then Like Always' Some Bullshit Happens && Niggas Show Their True Colors! Now It Was My Fault Because I Missed The Signs That Was Dead Smack In My Face. My "Best Friend" Always Told Me To Leave Devon Alone' She Said He Was No Good For Me && That She Felt That Way Before I Married Him' Mind You This The Same Bitch That Stood Beside Me In My Wedding && If She Felt That Way Why Did She Even Involve Herself Or Say Anything Before Hand? && Why Was You So Buddy Buddy' Brother This Brother That If You Felt This Way The Whole Time? Devon && Chanell Was A Little Too Close' Like They Smoked Together' Got Drunk Together && Was Even Goin Out To Bars Together' But You Know I Never Thought It Was Nothing Because They Didnt Come Off As If It Was Anything Goin On Between Them' So It Kinda Flew Pass Me' But Then Chanell Got Put Out Her Aunts House && Needed A Place To Stay' So Me && Devon Agreed For Her To Stay At Our Crib Until She Find Somewhere To Go' Chanell Didnt Have A Job So Since She Couldn't Pay Rent She Had To Use Her Stamps To Put Food In The House && To Make Sure She Cleaned Up' That Was All' && Everything Was Cool' No Issues But Then'  Me && Devon Would Go At It Everyday' He Just Picked Arguments With Me For No Reason' The Smallest Things Irritated Him && That Became An Issue In Our Relationship' So We Would Go Hours' Sometimes A Day Or 2 Without Talkin' I Also Started To Notice That His Funds Was Comin Up Short' Now He Was Either Out Here Cuttin Checks Or He Was Missin Work Which Ever It Was I Wasnt Having It' So I Approached Him' "So Wassup Wit Ya Checks Being Short" He Replied " They Been Cuttin My Days && Shit' Im Tryna Look For A Second Gig" That Was Bullshit' So I Said " Okay So Where You Been Goin When You're Not At Work? Now Whole Time In My Mind Im Thinkin He Cheating With Some Bitch Out Here In These Streets' But He Replied " I Been Home' I Told Chanell Not To Tell You Wit Her Big Mouth Ass Cause I Knew You'd Snap" I Said " So How Long Was This Gonna Be A Secret? He Says " Babe You Know I Would Have Eventually Told You" Then He Gave Me That Look && I Swear Yo This Man Made Me Feel Like Nothin In This World Matters Like I Wore My Heart On My Sleeve For Him' But I Noticed That As We Were Making Love It Was Like He Wasn't Focused' His Rhythm Was Off && It Just Wasnt The Usual' Im Thinkin "Okay Maybe He Tryna Switch It Up" But Naw' His Sex Changed On A Whole Different Level' & Not in A Good Way! Now Im Seeing The Change In Devon So Im Venting To Chanell' This Bitch All In Her Phone' Not Listening && All She Kept Sayin Was "Leave Him Alone' You Too Good For Him" & All This Other Shit' So I Turned To My Gf Kay & I Was Explaining To Her Everything That Was Goin On' && She Kinda Piece Shit Together' She Asked Why All Of A Sudden When Chanell Comes To Stay Wit Us' His Days Been Cut' We Arguing A lot && His Sex Is Weak' Now I Never Put 2 & 2 Together But Now My Mind Wondering' Could My Husband Be Sleeping With My Bestfriend...

So A Few Days Later' I Was About To Go On My Lunch Break && Something Told Me To Go To My House && See What Was Goin On' So I Pop Up' I Park My Car Up The Block && Walk To My House' As I Walk Up My Steps I Had To Be As Quiet As I Could So That They Wouldn't Hear Me' I Quietly Walk My Ass In The House' Nobody's Down Stairs' So I Ease My Way Upstairs' As I Approach My Bedroom Door I Hear Moaning' My Headboard Knockin Chileeee He Was Giving Her The Works' So I Goes To Chanell Room' Shes Not In There' Okay So Now Its Confirmed So I Goes Into My Hall Way Closet && Grab My Husband's 9 && I Walk Up To The Bedroom Door' Still They Just Gettin It In' I Swear After I Heard My Husband Tell This Hoe He Loved Her I Bust Into The Room' They Both Jump Up' I Stood Over Them & I Said " So This Is What I Get? After All The Shit I Did For Both Of Yall Trifling Asses' Chanell Crying' I Said " This Whole Time Here I Am Blind AF Not Thinkin That The Same Bitch I Looked At Like A Sister Is Fuckin My Nigga' I Cried As I Look At Them Knowing That Prior To Me Walkin In They Were Makin Love && Had The Audacity To Fuck In My Bed' That Shit Hurt && He Had Absolutely Nothing To Say To Convince Me That He Was Sorry' He Said I Didnt Make Him As Happy As She Did && Making Love To Her Was Just To Get That Cheating Urge Out Of His System' But I Wasnt Tryna Hear That Shit' I Stood Before God With This Man' He Crossed The Line' It Was Already A Sin To Divorce && The Rage That Built Up Inside Me Wasnt Even Thinkin About A Divorce' I Put 8 Years Of My Life Into This Man' I Gave Him All Of Me' He Was Really My Everything So The Pain I Felt I Just Couldn't Help Myself' I Aimed The Gun Right At His Head && Blew It Off' I Then Turned To Her && I Said " Its Sad That it Had To Come To This' My Bestfriend' I Dont Even Wanna Know Why' I Just Want You To Know That You're Dead To Me' Your Life Is Non Existent To Me" She Cried Her Eyes Out && Begged Me Not To Kill Her' As She Look At Devon's Brains Splattered On The Wall She Pleaded && Said How Sorry She Was About This && How She Fucked Up As A Friend' I Still Had The Gun Aimed At Her But I Didnt Pull The Trigger' && The Only Reason I Didnt Was Because She Aint Know No Better' Her Life Was Always Rough' I Thought Back On The Times She Cried To Me Ready To Kill Herself Because Shes Been Raped Her Whole Childhood' She Was A Weak Minded Ass Bitch' I Didn't Really Care To Shoot Her Hoe Ass' I Rather Her Alive Because Then She Could Be The Winess To My Story On Why I Killed My Husband' Dont Get Me Wrong I Wanted To Put Her Ass Down Too But Shit Like This Is Expected Of Her' She Doesn't Have Guidance' My Husband On The Other Hand Knew Better' I Would Had Been Okay If It Was A Bitch On The Street But My Bestfriend' After All The Bullshit We Been Thru' Us Aborting Babies && Having Miscarriages To His Lies & Now This' The Man I Loved Fucked Me Over For My Bestfriend' 2 Ppl I Trusted The Most' Ppl Judge Me && Assume That Im Insane Or Insecure' Im Neither' What I Am Is Hurt' Im Hurt That Not Only Was He Sleeping With Her' He Loved Her' He Made Her Feel How I Should Have Felt' He Aint Even Have The Decency To Fuck Her Somewhere Else But To Do It In My Home' In My Bed' My Heart && Soul Felt Like It Was Ripped Out Of My Body' I Never Expected Devon To Do Me Like That' I Never Stepped Out On My Husband' I Gave This Man All I Had' && He Gave Me A Broken Heart' Im Not Insane' I Was Just In Love With A Man Who Didnt Love Me The Same...