Complicated Feelings

Chapter 4

A little throwback to the Past

It's Kao's first day of high school, and he's scared shitless.

He's been on edge all summer, jittery and anxious about how he would be received amongst his peers. He and his family had just moved into town a few months ago, far from their last home, so he's going into this all alone, not recognizing a single soul in the bustling halls or suffocatingly full classrooms.

Kao had been so worried about making a good first impression, wearing his coolest clothes and styling his hair with his big brother's gel. He'd entertained all sorts of scenarios, ones where he made tons of friends on the first day, less pleasant ones where he got made fun of, shoved in a locker or even a nasty toilet like the kids in the movies.

None of the above happened, but Kao is pretty sure he'd take anything over the way he goes completely unseen, like a ghost haunting the halls.

Well, maybe not having his head shoved in a toilet. He's grateful that hasn't happened―not yet, at least. There's still time. But with the way everyone seems to look right through him, he's not sure he's a viable candidate.

They seem to have a lot of interest in the handsome student that transfers a few weeks into the school year, though.

Kao has managed to go this long without making a single friend or even proper acquaintance, his interactions with his classmates never going beyond borrowing a pen or lending a piece of paper in hopes that they would magically become his friend. He's learned some of their names, though, like the stupid, popular, pretty boy Bboun.

"He's so cold," Bboun is saying to his friends as they eat up every word. "He's like a robot. So serious and quiet."

Kao scoffs. What the hell does Bboun know? He glances over to where the transfer student stands, blank-faced as a teacher piles textbooks into his arms. The teacher says something to him with a friendly smile, and all the student offers in return is a curt nod.

Okay, so maybe Bboun had a point.

Kao wonders if the transfer student will have trouble making friends, too. Maybe Kao could have reached out if they were in the same class...

By the time lunch comes around, Kao has mostly forgotten about him―rather, he could have, if the students had literally anything else to talk about other than how cold and unfriendly the student (Up, he'd learned) seemed. Kao wonders if any of them actually took the time to talk to him.

He'd also wondered if Up might like someone to sit with him at lunch, and since Kao sits alone, he had intended to offer. He hadn't spotted the boy when he scanned the cafeteria though, and ended up giving up and sitting down to eat his tuna sandwich in silence before he made himself look dumb.

It's near the end of lunch when a voice yanks Kao from his thoughts, making him whirl around in his seat and see Up staring right back at him expectantly.

"S-Sorry, what?" Kao splutters nervously.

"Are you going to finish that?" Up asks.

Kao glances at the remains of his sandwich, bewildered. Well, he was going to, but it's not like he's starving, so he simply shakes his head. "Did you not eat?" he asks.

"I did," Up says. Kao blinks.

"Okay..." Kao says slowly, handing over the last few bites of his precious sandwich. "I-I'm not that hungry, so go ahead."

Honestly, he's a little scared. Up is kind of scary. What if he beats people up and takes their lunch money? Or their mostly-eaten tuna sandwiches? He doesn't look particularly unkind, just a little standoffish. But he does look pretty fit ... He could definitely kick an ass if he wanted. And who knows if he wants to?