Him - J.JK ✔

16.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

I shouldn't have been so naive. I shouldn't have let my feelings and emotions take over me.

But I did.

Again.

I again let my feelings take over me.

They came back to me because they were alone. They needed a companion.

They needed someone who'd comfort them, and get them out of boredom.

They again used my friendship.

Can't they just accept my friendship normally? Why play with my feelings like they don't matter.

Why is it that I always end up without friends?

Why am I always lonely though I feared that the most?

Why am I such a fool to even fall for their petty tricks?

After all, I was nothing but a replacement for them.

With a heavy heart, I come back to my apartment. I don't know what to do anymore.

All I just want is for these feelings to disappear. But I'm letting them engulf me. I'm too tired to fight back.

For now, I'll just lie down. But I just couldn't stop crying.

It hurts. It hurts so bad.

I made a fool of myself again.

It's raining outside very heavily.

As if the rain is also feeling my pain. As if it is trying to share my pain.

I curl up in a ball as the sound of thunder pierces through my heart.

It's in great pain as well. Just like me.

I clench onto the bedsheet and sob. It hurts...why?

It's now that I realize...it's not that bad to be lonely after all.

I felt someone getting up on my bed. But I didn't bother to look at who it is.

It's now that I realize...no one will arrive to help me get out of my fear.  I need to help myself on my own.

The person gently lies down and I can feel them behind me.

It's now that I realize...there will be some points when I'll have companions. Then there will be times when I won't have any.

I felt their warm breath hitting on my skin.

And then there will be moments when I'll be all alone.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have genuine friends.

And that's totally fine.

If I don't have the fate to get real friends then I need to accept that.

I just need to accept the reality that nothing remains forever.

But in the end, I'll have only me by my side.

The rain stops.

And I need to accept that.

I need to stop running.

It's time to stop.

I felt a pair of hands sneaking around my waist and pulling me closer to hug me tightly. I don't do anything to stop them.

I need to embrace and accept my fear. I need to accept that I won't be in misery when I end up alone.

I need to understand that not everything can go according to my will.

Nothing that is happening, or that would happen is bad.

I've...accepted this...and myself.

I've accepted it all.

I turn around to face the person. Jungkook.

I smile at him through tears and return the hug. I snuggle onto his chest as I let him engulf me in his warm embrace.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Now it can't affect me.

I no longer need others to confirm my existence and to be happy.

He made me realize my worst.

It was always...

Him.