I Need You [BTS fan fiction]

Pills - J Hope

I never told my members why I chose my name to be j hope... yes, it partly refers to my real name but the main reason was for me, myself to stay hopeful...

Today was our day off from everything, such as singing, dancing, schedules and managers and fake smiles... but for me, today was even better, it is my day off from taking these damn medicines... with these medicines, I have been able to live longer than I shouldve lived

We went out around midnight... we were meeting with namjoon and suga at a deserted parking lot... taehyung was driving and as soon as we arrived, jimin started fooling around... he was one of the brightest persons I've ever met and he was my best friend... I feared ever leaving him but he always goofed around saying he would die first... I wont allow that

We got out, went for a meal and oh god, taehyung messed everything up! Aish this kid... but I gotta say, he is the best one in being a 4D within our group

We ran for our lives as soon as taehyung broke the table... but we hadn't gone far before these people found a mirror and the goofing began all over again,.. I had brought my pills

We went on, exploring the area and we soon came around some train railway and we decided to light a fire... to be exact, jin decided so... he knew about the pills

We sat around the fire, telling stories and planning our lives within the next few years... I didn't have much to say, though I smiled... I never want to make anyone feel sad or concerned

Jin coughed on purpose, catching our attention.

"So... everyone knows J Hope is getting-"

"BETTER!" Jimin half screamed

"Yes he has... so why not give him a night off from the pills?"

Everyone cheered and I finally smiled... for real

"But don't tell linda...!"

"Hyung... they broke up..." jimin said, with a voice merely above a whisper... he knew and he was the one who gave the idea of this "resting day"

"Ah it's fine! Why the long faces?! We weren't meant to be... end of story!" I said, with another glass fake smile...

I missed her... I miss her like crazy... and it's funny how my condition had improved since she left... ironic

But she never loved me... I was caught... I am caught up in a one way love

"J hope, do you have the pills?"

"Yeah suga, they're just in my pocket"

I took them out, pouring each and every single pill in the burning fire... the smell was disturbing, yet not as disturbing as the reason I am burning them.

As we were sitting there, waiting for the smoke to fade, we fell asleep... such happy days... such happy days I saw in my dreams... can't I just exchange this nightmare called my life with my dreams?

Jimin shook me awake, and he suggested going up on top of the trains... these were the last hours...

We headed towards our hotel to get ready for our schedule at 6 p.m... we decided to go near the shore since it was a cloudy day and the river might as well be wave full.. but we were wrong and this did not stop them from being happy... how many times have we been wrong?

"Hyung..." jin said, with a low voice, just for me to hear

"Hm?"

"You know... it would be nice if you took your pills... the process of your healing shouldn't be intrupted.."

He was using heavy words... let alone the vocab, he was talking too heavy for me... I just had the feeling of being free and now... he took it

"Oh... ok hyung, as soon as we get to the hotel, I'll grab them"

I smiled to assure him I am fine... he would never know since I was never ok to start with...

At the hotel, we went straight to our rooms... I shared a room with jimin but he was with suga right now... I geuss he has some type of business with him.. he has been visiting him occasionally

I went to the bathroom, tracing the lines and flaws she used to trace... staring into the eyes which stared into her eyes... breathing with the lips that used to kiss her

I slid the mirror, to find my pills in there... they were recently bought

I grabed one of the bottles.... the water ran in the sink and I tried to concentrate but my hands were shaking, I had made up my mind... I'm gonna take my pills

I ate as many pills as I could and I went out... I didn't want jimin to see me... I didn't want him to blame her...

I wondered around... not knowing where I was going... till I collapsed

I opened my eyes with quite a lot of struggling.... the water was wave full