The Deal - Shawn Mendes

Chapter 15

"Addie I'm so so sorry," he started.

"Ok, why?" The next part for Shawn didn't come as easy. He didn't quite know what to say after. "I've never really done this before, I've never really had a relationship like this before..." that left something unspoken between them. Clearing his throat Shawn looked down and back up again at Addie. "I mean I've never had a friend like this before. I mean yes I have Brian he is like my brother but you really are the closest person I have. I can't lose what you've now made me want to be. I of course am not fully there yet and I know I've disappointed you. Seeing your disappointment really hit me unlike any one else had. When you are disappointed and make a judgement about my actions I know I've messed up. You're the only girl that I've slept with that didn't throw herself at me, who made me feel something. Not that it should be an excuse and I've been blocking out any logical reasoning for a long time. No one ever told me to clean up my act. I just let my id control my decisions."

"Your id?" Addie questioned.

"Oh yeah err right, remember in psychology when you learn about id, ego and superego?" Of course Shawn would throw in psychology to this right now. However, Addie wasn't convinced she would understand this way. She was hopeless at psychology even if she tried to convince herself otherwise. "Yeah, they're supposedly the parts of our psyche that control decisions, it's like the angel and the devil on our shoulders that we see in films so often?"

"Correct," Shawn was pleasantly surprised at how hard Addie had been working and how far she'd come. It was kind of attractive. He couldn't help but smirk, "What?"

"At least I've taught you something today," and Addison giggled back. However, Shawn's face turned back to serious, "Addie I never want you to ever think that you weren't important, that that night wasn't important because it was. I never want you to regret your first time ever. It was special for you and I want you to keep thinking that. I let myself ruin that for you by not thinking. I don't want what I did to ruin what you thought. Please don't let it," he said taking Addison's small hands into his larger ones. 

And with that Addie couldn't control herself. She involuntarily went straight in to kiss Shawn and he didn't pull away. She knew she could never tell him how she felt truly about him but she could pretend for a moment longer that maybe he cared about her more than a friend. But, "Addison, we can't do this," he pulled away. Reluctantly, she pulled her hands from his her head down filled with embarrassment, clearly she had gotten the wrong end of the stick. "As in I can't do this if you think you are going to get a relationship from this because I need to be honest, and I still can't be in a relationship and it's not you. It's me. I can't be in relationships they're not for me. So, before we can even think of this happening again I need you to know that I cannot be in a relationship with you." At this point Addison didn't care. Not in the slightest. She had been taken over by lust, hormones, and her love. She didn't care that nothing would come out of this. All she wanted was a few moments more before letting go. "I know and I don't care, I care about you don't get me wrong but I don't want a relationship from this either."

In that moment they didn't care about what consequences might follow but they just sunk into every second they had together every kiss, every stroke of a hand, and tremble that they caused in each other. Shawn pushed her further onto the bed smirking as she landed and he dominated over her. He stroked his hand down her jaw line towards her next edging her hand around to gently clasp her neck. He was gentle at first to see how she would take to some light choking and the moan that slipped from her lips confirmed how much she enjoyed it. "You like that huh?"

"Yeah, you don't have to be so gentle though," her eyes filled with darkness and lust, "choke me."

"With pleasure," and that night Shawn pushed her to her limits. He wrapped his hands around her neck firmer whilst slowly grinding against her whilst fully clothed until it got too much. They each undressed each other on the bed and Shawn slid a condom on ready to thrust into Addison. When he did she gasped with ecstasy, "Shawn!"