it's hard I know

Sometimes being a person is hard.  It's either wanting to kill yourself or you're just very tired that you cried secretly and having the hardest time you could possibly deal with. I just want to stare at the wall every day, minute , second ...... And entertaint myself by talking to the ghosts that I see everyday. Cuz honestly ghosts are just like imaginary friends, except they're alot better than real friends. I was a scared little girl.. and now I just don't feel anything anymore.

Imagine dealing with school bullies , how hard is that right? No, I want to burn that place , burn it until it goes to hell. That place is just hell for me. I believe that it's not because of the school , it was a beautiful place , an amazing place for students ,it's always the fucking people that have to ruin it.

That fucking bitch , I'm sorry but just because you have better grades than me doesn't mean you have to be like this. Always making fun of me , saying shit about me and even having the courage to spread a lie about me. Well even if I tell the teacher , no one will ever fucking understand or believe me. Because I'm a just a normal student that no one cares about. He's prefect. Is the teacher really going to pick a student over a prefect? No.
No teacher gives a fuck about a student , we're as useless as a potato.

Bullying at school. Yes, the school may have some rules about bullying. But who knows the real reason why they had it? There wasn't a rule like that before , until some things happens. It's always like, oh someone died of stress , mental health and then they suddenly have a counselor teacher. They ALWAYS wait until it actually happens THEN they're aware enough to put a warning. Why? And does the school actually asks about how we feel? No. I'm so fucking tired of being shamed for being a dumb ass bitch. I'm sorry , but I'm proud of myself. I went from a "struggling" student to an average one. Even though I might not be the smartest in my class but at least I knew I fought my entire whole life .

I hate comparison. So you have higher expectations for me just because I'm the oldest child. Really? You're just going to let my brother go when he got 16 marks on his test what??? What about me? I certainly don't remember you treating me that way when I was 8. He's 9. You were yelling, I was crying, trying to catch my breath. What's your behavior with him? encouraging him to try harder. What the fuck is wrong with him? What have I done to make you treat me like this?