MO GRÁ | Derek Morgan

chapter thirty three

┌── •✧• ──┐
London
april 12, 2003

I was laid across the couch in my living room, my favorite blanket draped loosely over me. As I watched a random movie playing on the tv and eating on a bowl of popcorn. The sound of the front door opening snapped me back to reality, but I didn't bother to look up. I knew it was Killian. I could recognize the sound of his footsteps. I took a deep breath, trying to focus back on the film, but the quiet was soon disrupted.

"Leah!" he called, his voice echoing slightly in the space. I held my breath, hoping he'd just walk past me into the kitchen, but of course, he didn't. Instead, he strolled into the living room, his eyes scanning the scene.

"Are you seriously just going to lie there all evening?" he scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. I finally turned my head to him, arching an eyebrow, but I still didn't say anything. After my birthday I didn't bother speaking, it would lead to argument somehow anyways. "We're going to dinner tonight," he continued, I could feel my stomach twist at the thought. "Get ready."

I blinked, processing his words. "With who?" I asked.

"Some of my colleagues," he replied, his tone matter-of-fact. My heart sank a little lower. The last thing I wanted was to sit through an evening with people I barely knew. "Do I have to?" I asked, hoping my tone conveyed just how much I didn't want to go.

"Obviously," he said, his disbelief palpable. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Because I don't want to go!" I mumbled out, "I don't like those dinners." Killian stepped closer, his expression shifting from surprise to annoyance.

"It's not about you liking it or not. It's about being supportive. I've told you this before."

"Supportive?" I echoed, my voice rising. "You aren't supportive of me? Why should I support you?"

"You can't just sit at home every time!"

I felt my cheeks flush, "oh yeah, I should just turn my phone off and disappear all day!" He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture I recognized as a sign of his growing frustration. "I want you there because I want you by my side."

"You invite me because it's expected, not because you actually want me there. You just want me to play a role." I shot back.

He stepped back, his eyes narrowing as he took a moment to collect himself. "You're being unreasonable, Leah. I'm not asking you to play a role. I'm asking you to be part of my life. Can't you see that?"

I turned away, as I crossed my arms. "I'm trying to include you, to make you a part of something that matters to me, and you're just pushing me away!"
I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"You just need to give it a chance. You need to try, Leah."

"And what if I don't want to try?" I whispered, "Then I'm telling you that you're going," he said firmly. "End of discussion."

The finality of his words sent a wave of frustration crashing over me. I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the couch, my heart still racing as I made my way up the stairs. I could feel Killian's gaze on me, but I didn't turn around. Instead, I focused on putting distance between us, needing a moment to breathe, to gather my thoughts. Once in the privacy of our room, I threw myself onto the bed, my mind racing.

I stared at the ceiling, thoughts swirling as I replayed our conversation in my mind. The idea of attending the dinner filled me with dread. I could already envision the stiff, uncomfortable atmosphere, the forced conversations, and the endless questions about what I did with my life.