Starting over again ||Kim Taehyung||

VII

"People know your name, not your stories. They have heard what you have done but not what you've gone through. So take their opinions with a pinch of salt. In the end it's what you think about yourself that counts" the words coming out of the radio echoed in your car whilst you were driving. Your grip on the steering wheel tightened as you looked into yourself.

What do I think of myself? I have made mistakes, I have regretted them, I made bad choices, I was naive and crazy before, I have done wrong to the people who were right to me. A pinch of guilt and certain repentance. I couldn't bring that time back when I made that decision, when I was being ignorant and immature but that was still me and the one I am today is me too, maybe a little bit grown up. It's the process that made me learn from my tremendous mistakes, and I realised that just because I didn't choose wisely doesn't mean I am not a human. I am a human who made mistakes and that was my trait like all others that hit the ground because until and unless we're alive and breathing we will make mistakes.

I hurted you enormously, I can't change it. Neither can I lessen your pain, all I can do is wish for your happy life ahead. Sometimes we wish to make things right but it's too late because we have lost the right. No matter how much I apologise.... I was still guilty of you.

You pulled the car in the parking lot, a sigh left your mouth as you looked down, taking a moment for yourself. Only one week was left for his wedding and you were here to arrange the cocktail party for tonight. The past days were flashing in your mind like a blink how you met him again till now, everything was so complex.
-

Taehyung rested his head on his forearm while looking at the box in his hands. The box of your memories, the one he created himself by collecting your stuff, had your hair pins, earring, pictures, everything that he stole from you, that made him known to your presence. He kept it close to him but ironically, he never opened it after you left because he knew he would break down once he saw it, until now, today he got this courage in him to go through his old shelf to find this box again. No matter how much he said that he hated you, only his heart knows.

"You miss her,....don't you?" The tear that slipped down his eyes immediately got wiped away by him as another figure entered the room. It was his elder brother SeokJin.

"Jin Hyung..." he kept the box away as the elder one sat next to him. "You're here?" He sniffs as his red nose doesn't go unnoticed by his brother.

"You're getting married soon and you still think about her" Jin hugs Taehyung as the latter shakes his head.

"I am forgetting her..." he said while stammering.

"I see...." Jin pulled away, looking at the younger. "Are you sure? I know you can't forget her until you forgive her and talk it out. You should have a closure to move on properly. I am telling you because I know both of you are still attached and I understand your state as well as hers, it's best that you let her explain" he pats Taehyung's shoulder.

"Talk about what, Hyung, when she left me the only thing that she told me was that she wasn't ready. There were just three weeks left for our marriage and why wasn't she ready? I was well off, there is nothing else required. Wasn't I enough ?" Hurt visible in his voice.

"That's what I am saying, tell her how she made you feel. The bottled up emotions need to be taken out and once it happens, moving on would be easier." Jin suggested, making the younger one think before nodding.
-

At night; the cocktail party:

The astonishing lights traveled in all directions of the hall which was filled with plenty of people. The music was unlike a party, a soft and sophisticated one telling about the elegance and grace of the riches. Yet the room was divided into two parts where the other one was meant just for the bar, referring to the dark side.

The heavy smell of drinks lingered in the air, where he sat whilst holding his third glass of whiskey, gulping it down in one go. His friends looked at him in concern as the latter one was having no control over the consumption.

The words of his elders echoing his mind, he really needed your explanation to sort his brain but for that, he needed the energy and the drinks helped him. Taking two more shots, he looked around the crowded room to find you but he couldn't.

You on the other hand, walked in the garden for the fresh air as the thick air in the hall suffocated you because of the glares of your and his families. The day went the same way as before, you stood under a tree, rubbing your shoulders to warm yourself until you felt two arms wrapping around your waist from behind.

The warmth and silhouette felt known to you, your heart raced as the person rested his forehead on your back, probably able to hear your loud heart beats.

"T-Taehyung.." you gulped as you felt your nerves melting in his arms, his embrace. He tightened his grip, breathing on your neck, you could smell his dizziness.

"W-why?" He stuttered, holding you the same. "I want my answers today. Why did you leave me? We were so happy, then why did you destroy it?" He removed his arms, turning you towards him. You raised your head to see his vulnerability.

"I-I...Taehyung I-" he interrupted you.

"No! Don't tell me you weren't ready! The marriage wasn't gonna change anything, we would still love each other like before marriage. We would have lived with each other, I would have taken care of you but you ruined it!!" He cried. "Y/N...we talked about marriage right, you told me that you wanted to get married to me then what changed?! I even talked to our parents about it but you just, you just ran away!" He was drunk.

"I am sorry-"

"Your sorry can't undo my sufferings. The way I felt, I was so insecure in myself and hateful because I thought I wasn't enough. I was not enough to make you feel loved. But now I get it, you never cared about me, just you and yourself. You were always selfish and immature. You left your parents who gave you birth then why would you even think of me?" He chuckled as you tried hard not to break down.

"You know what!! I hate you!! And you should hate yourself too.... I don't know how you can live happily while giving others pain. Hate yourself because you are selfish and pathetic." He yelled while breaking in tears. It was his anger speaking instead of him.

"Why?..." you blinked your tears....