I, God

Chapter 1

"I'm a God. There's no other explanation for it," I said, looking at myself in the mirror. "How else could I have conclusively disproved Einstein's General and special Theories of Relativity at the same time? They're gonna have to name a new scientific law after me: the Benson Principle" I decided to stand in the mirror for a little while longer, admiring myself. "Wow. I actually look pretty good for a God, too. Normally, a God would have a long white beard with some long white hair to help out. And yet here I am, clean shaven with my auburn hair cut to a respectable length. And look at those eyes! They look like emeralds, with a faint glint of curiosity hidden slightly beneath the surface".

"Shut up, Narcissus! I'm trying to sleep!" That's my roommate, Kyle. He's an extremely muscular football player.He really likes to get extra sleep every night. And morning, for that matter. You know, come to think of it, this is the first time I've seen him awake in months. Now's my chance!

"Who are you?!" I asked Kyle. "And what are you doing in my apartment?! I thought this was a safe building! Get out of here, or I swear I'll dump a bucket of freezing tap water on you!"

"Shut up, dumbass! wait, I hear water running in the bathroom. What the fuck?! Are you actually getting a bucket of ice water?!"

"This is your last chance to get out!" I said, as the bucket finished filling.

"I said shut up, Martin! Or do you want to come over there and teach you a fucking lesson?!"

"Time's up!" I shouted as I dumped the bucket of frigid water all over his meaty head.

"Oh my fucking God! I'm going to kill you, you little shit!" he said, as he jumped up from the couch and grabbed me by the neck. He then proceeded to open up the window (we're on the twenty-third floor, mind you) and to hang me over the edge of the building.

My mind started racing with ways to escape his brutish grip, but unfortunately they all came a few seconds too late. By the time the thoughts had arrived, I was already halfway to the ground.