My Last Days of Silence | J.JK

15: See the cherry trees blossom

3 days left. 

It was a sunny Sunday and it made the world seem bright and cheerful, but my world was slowly crumbling around me.

The past month had been like a seriously sickening rollercoaster.

When I first found out about my remaining days it felt too unreal to be true. I made the to-do list and was so focused on completing it before dying. All the while I lost track of time and just did the things without thinking of it as something I had to do. It was something I wanted to do.

Now I was back with the feeling that death himself breathed me down my neck and told me to hurry up finishing my list before he would come.

I only had one last thing on it and still 3 days left to do it, maybe even more days?

I had been at a doctors appointment again today early morning, checking up on my coughing. My parents tried their best to cheer me up when the doctor told me it was a bad sign, but maybe a good sign that it only started now. Maybe I would live for a few days or even weeks longer, when I had had so little symptoms, they said.

But did I really only have a few symptoms, or did I just not tell the doctors everything?

The days since Jungkook's and my date at the restaurant, where I had coughed up blood I had felt significantly worse.

My body felt weak and fatigued all the time. My joints would ache at random times. I had had trouble breathing even just by walking to the kitchen and back to my room. I'd not eaten much as the feeling of nausea kept me from even trying. I had even coughed up more blood.

It felt like I needed to be hospitalized, but I didn't want to.

I didn't tell because the doctors had already confirmed I was going to die. Why would I make my parents even more worried by telling them all that? It would do no good and they would just forget to enjoy our time spent together.

The past few days I had spent more time with them than by myself. They'd visited me everyday. They'd brought me dinner every evening, I told them I would eat it later. We'd watched movies together, we'd played board games, we'd talked and looked at old photos of me as a baby. My grandparents had even moved into my parents house the past few days. They probably didn't want to sit helplessly back in Busan when they would get the call.

I really enjoyed the time with my family. It reminded me of when we lived back in Busan and my grandparents visited every week. It felt great to have them where I was.

I hadn't seen Jungkook since we kissed.

We'd called and texted, but the time needed with my family and his work had kept us apart.

The doctors let me go home this morning, just with a single agreement that I would call them if anything would happen. I'd also have to go for a checkup every morning from now on - to keep track on everything.

I was on my way to Jungkook's apartment, to ask him if he wanted to go see the cherry trees in person.

It was 12th of April and the cherry trees had just blossomed, making the parks the most beautiful place to be. I'd never really cared much for this, even though it seemed to be a big deal among others to go see them. But I felt like I was finally supposed to go there. I wanted to experience what everyone always talked about in the months leading up to spring.

I was planning to tell him what was going on, today. I finally caved in and abandoned my selfish wish of wanting to keep things as normal as possible. If I told the truth, maybe it would make the heavy burden in my heart disappear as I wouldn't worry about him not knowing. Maybe I'd feel more free.