heartbreak high x jaz

episode 5 - bin chicken

at assembly:
woodsy: good morning everyone. so i have an announcement. it's really very thrilling. hartley high has been selected to kick off the city of sydney inter school basketball semifinals. which will garner some much needed positive attention after the map debacle.
spider: map bitch!
woodsy: put a sock in it, spencer. it's actually a very big honour and we would like all of you to do your bit and help us clean our school.
ant: don't actually cleaners do that, miss?
woodsy: great contribution, anthony. anything else? as a little incentive the student who picks up the most bags of rubbish will receive a playstation... gift voucher. valued at $50. it's still a lot.
quinni: i want that gift voucher.
woodsy: and, yes, the cleanup is compulsory. you will be handed out schedules in the first period. thank you.

harper: jaz! hey!
jaz: what.
harper: what was ant and spider talking about in assembly.
*you shake your head*
jaz: what you did was fucked up, harps.
*you walk away*

jojo: so we all agree that porn has given us unrealistic ideas of what s*c should look like. but is it all bad?
dusty: when you watch as much as ant does..
jojo: haha very funny.
quinni: i mean, it can be helpful if you don't know what you like.
sasha: or who you like. i one-hundy percent figured out i was into girls by watching lesbian porn.
spider: oh my god. me too!
darren: i thought i learnt everything i needed to know about gay s*x from porn, but it's not real.
jojo: okay, go on.
darren: well, since you can't just jump on a dick without warning...
*spider scoffs and laughs*
darren: i mean, you have to douche first, it takes time... sorry is there something you want to say?
spider: no.
darren: it must be hard, hey? being jammed so far in the closet your practically in narnia?
spider: you wish, yeah.
jojo: all right, come on. come on.
jaz: miss, i find porn a bit hectic. if that's what s*x is supposed to look like, i don't think i want it.
amerie: yeah. it feels like it's all about getting a guy off.
spider: isn't it?
amerie: and not at all about what girls actually want.
jojo: see, that's why i want to talk to you about pleasure. specifically, your pleasure.
ant: isn't that illegal, miss?
jojo: yeah. i get why you think that, ant, because it feels scary. right? you know, teenagers actually knowing what they want.
quinni: i want that playstation gift voucher.
sasha: i want a good almond milk.
ant: i want my dad to be proud of me.
jojo: learning to communicate with your sexual partners about what you want and desire is important. i know you might think it's embarrassing or even silly, but s*x doesn't have to be something that's painful, physically or emotionally. sp let's try something this week, yeah? i want you to put in this box things you like. things you derive pleasure from. it can be whatever you want, just make sure it's honest, yeah? then next class, we'll go through them and start to normalise expressing our wants and desires. thank you, everyone.
*everyone leaves*

the next day:
jojo: so remember peeps this isn't a guessing game. it's an exercise in normalising our what? wants and needs.
everyone: wants and needs
jojo: that's right. i don't want to hear any shaming. am i clear? all right. who's first? harper.
harper: "i have to know the person properly before o have s*x with them."
jojo: very good and very common.
sasha: "i can only c*m to house music."
amerie: um, it just says "foot."
jaz: "harper likes getting double docked by dusty and malakai." who the fuck wrote this?
sasha: wait, malakai and harper?
jojo: spider pack your things.
spider: miss, i did not write that.
jojo: no, i don't care! office.
amerie: malakai. it's not true, right?
*amerie turns to harper*
amerie: you fucking slut!
*malakai tries to punch spider*
malakai: fuck you!
ant: whoa! chill, dude.
jojo: okay, that's enough. that's enough.

at sport:
harper: so apparently dusty was put off by me having s*x with malakai. i can't believe him. something wrong?
jaz: malakai gets assaulted by a cop and your first thought is to sleep with him?
harper: jazzy-
missy: he needed help harps.
harper: that's what i was trying to do.
sasha: nah, you were trying to get your dick wet.
harper: are you seriously slut shaming me right now?
sasha: come on, harper. i don't care that you had a threesome. i read the ethical slut when i was six years old. he's ameries boyfriend.
harper: they'd split up.
sasha. what? like five minutes beforehand?
harper: i didn't plan any of this. we were all really fucked up.
jaz: nah, it's still wrong, ey.
harper: nah. fuck the three of you.

woodsy: welcome to the inter school basketball semifinals! give it up for the hartley high ibis!
sasha: it's a fucking bin chicken!!!
darren: i hate this school.
quinni:. i still can't believe they have a bin chicken as our mascot.
sasha: i know! it was a landslide.
amerie: it makes sense. this school is a bin.
sasha: where's you school spirit?
amerie: left it at home
woodsy: just, uh, before we kick off, it's time to announce the winner of a little cleanup competition that we had here at hartley high. not that it needed cleaning up or anything like that. it's just a little friendly-
quinni: cut to the chase!
woodsy: ok. thank you, quinni. um... so the winner of the playstation gift voucher is jenny pilcher. well done, jenny. and thank you, everybody, for doing their bit. ok, let's hear it for the teams!
darren: jesus christ, malakai looks how i feel.
*malakai leaves*
woodsy: oops. but of a hiccup. everyone take five.
*woodsy leaves and harper takes the mic*
jaz: fuck. shit about to get real.
harper: hey, dusty. i just wanted to, um, take a minute to apologise for... what did you call it? "wanting it too much"? yeah. im really sorry that i enjoyed myself in a consensual threesome that you initiated.
*everyone gasps*
harper: and im sorry he made me c*m so hard i saw another dimension. let me ask you something. did you ghost me because that's the first really org*sm you've ever seen?
*everyone gasps again*
harper: how insensitive of me. your totally right, being turned off by your girlfriend enjoying s*x. i mean, what was i think? it's not about me. im just a human pizza pocket... designed specifically for you to full with c*m.
*everyone gasps AGAIN*
harper: i should know my place, right?
woodsy: that enough, harper.
harper: i guess what im really trying to say is fuck you! and in the spirit of cleaning up trash, we're over, you dickless fuck.
*everyone cheers*
darren: i take it back. i love this school.