When lockdown hit I had a lot of time to myself I started using social media a lot more. I started to find out about the lgbt community.
I worked out that I liked girls I thought because i wanted to start presenting more masc that I must just be a lesbian. I started to deny the fact that I liked men to myself because I felt as if I finally found my community. This is something i was longing for for such a long time.
However the more started to mature I realised I really didn't like my body. All the new changes made me uncomfortable and I just didn't understand why. Since I was younger I always wanted to be a girly teenager And to be able to fit in.( Especially considering i went though puberty later than most girls) However when this started to happen I hated myself more than ever.
In the back of my mind This made me question if I wanted to be a boy. But all the things I've always drilled into my brain that I must fit in made me confused. I knew what a non binary person was And in my head that felt more acceptable than being trans. I thought I could still hide that from people at least.
Eventually I got my friends to start using They/them pronouns and it was a sense of relief. I managed to tell my parents I start doing more things to help with my identity. I started to stop listening to the thought in my head that I need to always fit in.
However there was still thoughts in my head that I am a boy. I tried to suppress it by telling myself being non binary was enough. But one day it was too much and I told my friends I think I'm a boy. The fear of acceptance was so stupid of me because they were so nice about it.
Working out your gender can be really hard and watching youtube really helped me- noah finnce helped me the most
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Hiding From The Past - Talking About Being Trans Ftm
Non-FictionI find it hard to read about others experience online about being trans so i wrote about mine. I feel this would of helped me when i was working out my identity and still now to feel less alone. Every chapter is about different experiences being tr...
