Just Breathe Mi Amore

Ch. 2

*Trigger Warning: physical and emotional abuse*

     The alarm on my phone goes off waking me from my deep slumber. My hand searches for my phone, but it is lost somewhere in my bed. The annoying sound is starting to irritate me. I sit up and start shaking my blanket waiting for my phone to fall. Once it does, I grab it and turn off the alarm.
     I fall back down on to my back and immediately wince. I'm still in a little pain from yesterday, but that was the bare minimum of what my Father could do, so I can manage with this.
     My hands come up to my eyes and rub the sleep away while I yawn. I really do not want to get out of bed. After staring at my ceiling for a few minutes, I slowly get myself out of bed. I open my bedroom door and make my way to the bathroom.
     I flip the light on and immediately regret it. The person staring back at me in the mirror makes me frown. I look terrible. My dark blonde hair is up in a ratted messy bun. My skin looks so pale and dry. My body is literally the definition of skin in bones.
     Fourteen year old me would regret wishing to be skinny. When my mom was still alive and my family was a happy one, I hated my body size. I hated how I had the biggest boobs in my grade. Every small chested girl wants big boobs, but in reality they shouldn't. I thought my boobs looked like granny boobs. I used to be a DD and without a bra they would sag. My thighs used to be so wide and filled with cellulite. I would never wear shorts because of it. I never had one of those sharp jawlines either. I didn't have a terrible double chin but it was an noticeable double chin. I hated my body. All I wanted was to look like the other girls in my school.
     Now present day me doesn't have big boobs or huge thighs. With the way my Father is now, I am not allowed to eat much. I definitely have anorexia, but I haven't been to a doctor to have it clinically diagnosed. My Father doesn't care that much. I don't know which body I'd prefer. My old one or my new one. I mean is anyone ever really satisfied with how their body looks?
     I may not have a lot of fat on me anymore, but I lost the glow I used to have. My hair doesn't shine. My skin looks like it's lacking nutrients. My deep blue eyes don't sparkle, they just look kind of dull. Sighing, I look away from the mirror. I use the bathroom and wash my hands then brush my teeth.
     I walk out of the bathroom, but walk straight into a hard chest. No, I internally grown. Why is my Father here. He is never here in the mornings during the week days. I look at up at him and he frowns down at me.
     "I'm packing for a work trip. I will be gone the rest of the week. But don't worry, I have eyes everywhere. I'll be back Friday night. I expect you to be here with dinner ready on the table," my Father demands. I nod my head. He steps aside to let me walk past. I go to head towards my room, but I am quickly turned around. Pain spreads through my face as I realized he just punched my eye.
     "I just wanted to make sure I was clear on to not try anything while I am gone," he states before disappearing down the stairs. My hand cradles at my eye as tears start to leak down my cheeks. I purse my lips sighing, before turning on my heal and walking into my bedroom.
     I walk in my closet to look for something simple to wear. He says he's got eyes everywhere, but I could still get away from the place right? He could just be saying that to scare me.
      My hands come across my favorite black hoodie. Just wanting to be comfortable, I grab gray sweatpants as well. I go to my bed and throw the clothes on top. I undress and change into my outfit. I just put on my Adidas's slides not really caring.
     Grabbing my makeup bag from my nightstand, I make my way to my mirror to try and cover my new bruise. I only have dollar store make up so it doesn't work that well, but I guess it makes it less noticeable.
     Groaning at myself in the mirror, I pickup my phone and text my friend Alexis that I am ready to go. She responds immediately telling me she'll be here in five.
     Alexis is my school friend. I don't have friends outside of school, not that my dad would allow it anyways. Alexis doesn't know about my dad, but after my mom passed she offered to be my ride cause she knew my mom would always take me. She never questioned why I didn't get my license either. Anyways, it has always been our system to ride to school together.
     I grab my bag and head downstairs and walk out my front door. I sit on the wooden steps leading to the sidewalk and wait for Alexis. Twiddling my thumbs, I get lost in thought. I start thinking about how I could go about leaving. Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn with nerves.
     I don't know where I could even go. I don't have any money either. My dad doesn't let me work. He says I need to always be home in case he needs something. Honestly, I'd feel safer on the side of a road outside this town then I would in my own house. Maybe that's what I could do. Just get out of town and go from there. It's nothing strategic, but I don't know what else to do.
     A horn snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Alexis has pulled into my driveway. I get up and head towards her car. As I sit in her passenger seat, she frowns at me.
     "What's with the colorful eye?" Alexis questions. I gulp and say the first thing that comes to mind.
     "Oh me and my dad where playing baseball in the backyard. When it was my turn to bat, I froze and got nailed in the eye."
     Alexis just starts laughing and shaking her head. She sighs as she pulls out of my driveway.
     "You sure are a clumsy one babe," she laughs out. I calm down when she believes my lie. The rest of our drive is silent. Alexis knows I'm not a morning person and that it's too early to try to strike a conversation with me.
     Five minutes later, we park in the school parking lot. I sigh as I get out of her car. I really do not want to be here.

  ***

     School goes by in a blur. All I could focus on was the fact that I was actually considering running away. I think I have decided on going home and grabbing my charger, a change of clothes, and taking some cash from my dads drawer to catch a bus to get out of Philadelphia.
     Once Alexis drops me off, I don't waste anytime with packing. I stuff everything into a book bag and go to my dads room. Entering makes my heart race. Bad things have happened in here. Shaking my head, I grab the money from his drawer and get out. Once I'm at the front door I look around and say goodbye. I open the door and head out. There's a bus station three miles up the road from my subdivision. It shouldn't take long.
     After waiting at the station for ten minutes, a bus pulls up. I give the driver my cash and ask how far the bus goes.
     "We go as far as New York City, it's about 80 miles from here," the lady driver stated. I smile at her and find a seat. New York City it is.