ADORE

real talk. ouch.

When Luna arrived I could just tell she was full to the brim with questions about Wesley. As soon as she sat down in my chair the words started spilling from her mouth. "Okay, so I'm thinking about maneuver number 6 where we accidentally run into them somewhere we know they'll be. Then we break them apart from the group and you do that sexy low-voice thing and talk about nerd stuff that boys like."

"Luna, first of all, I don't have a crush on him and second it's not nerdy it's just popular culture. Video games, action movies, and occasionally sports."

"Yeah, exactly smarty-pants. Nerd stuff" She rebutted confidently.

"You realize I don't talk about that stuff to be sexy right, I'm just trying to make conversation with another human being. And I'm not smart either I just have a general knowledge of a lot of things." I said quietly.

"Yeah right. Do you remember that trivia night party at Summer Dixons' house in high school? One of the questions was 'what team won the Stanley cup four times in a row in the 1980s' and you knew the answer! I swear like six dudes tried to ask you out after that. You got game and you don't even try."

"The only reason I knew that is because I like watching hockey for the fights. Plus you know there is just something about a crooked nose that really does it for me." I said emphasizing the word really just to make her uncomfortable.

"Ew Dee, why would you be into a crooked nose? Wait don't tell me I feel like you have a super gross answer."

"Well, you know what Doja cat says." She just sat there looking up at me like I was crazy while I shampooed her hair in my bowl.

"No I really don't but on a real note-" oh god she was gonna get real with me. I hated this part. The part where I'm pulled out of my little fantasy bubble and she tells me something harsh yet true that I probably need to hear. "- I think with the way you grew up Dee you learned to take care of other people but you put your needs last. You're scared and I can understand that but don't let that fear stop you from finding something great. Even if you do get hurt in the end it's not the end of the world, life goes on, isn't that what you always tell me?"

Ouch, that hurts. My chest started to feel like it was sinking into itself as I was massaging her scalp. I'm not gonna have a panic attack just because I have to talk about my feelings. If my manager Haley saw me hyperventilating at the wash station the daily dirty looks might get even worse.

"I know it won't be the end of the world. And I know you grew up in a restrictive household but it's different when you grow up with abusive parents. I used to think my dad and mom were the greatest people in the world. Then you start to be 6 or 7 and that unconventional love you have for them kinda fades and you start to see the bad stuff too and not just the good. My parents were the first people who broke my heart. I kept building up hope that they would do better over and over again but they never did. I don't think I'm ready to open myself up to that disappointment again. I'm okay with the way my life is now. It feels safe. It feels like for the first time in my life I can breathe easy, without the fear of someone raising a hand to me or telling me something incredibly deprecating at the slightest thing going wrong. Anyways this conversation is too heavy let's move back to my chair so I can start your blowout."

Luna sat silently while I ran product through her hair and blow-dried it. I know she is right but at the same time, my feelings are valid too right? I mean I do tend to push people away with the fear that they will hurt me. Wesley is the first person I've ever been attracted to physically. I don't know if I find his personality attractive yet because he hasn't spoken to me but we have music and Mario kart in common I know that much. Maybe if I see him again and he seems interested in me I will give him a chance. Maybe.

Luna started speaking again as soon as I shut off the blow dryer. "I think you're wrong. Not about everything you said just the part where you said you're okay with the way your life is. To really heal you should push yourself out of your comfort zone. I know this will hurt to hear but you have been locked inside your little box for too many years. I think you need to let people prove what kind of person they are before you just decide for them and not give them a chance."

"Okay. I will give him a chance." That felt extremely snobby to say like I was a princess and he was a jester who had one chance to make me laugh or it was off with his head. "Now let's talk about your plan to confront Jorge tonight."

☪

After I got off work I was exhausted. Note to self; don't wear platforms to work again. My feet were killing me and my head felt like it was going to explode. I can't wait to go home, get into bed, and cuddle with Stevie. I found myself sitting in my car getting another call from Alexa just as I was getting ready to head home. Sliding the green button I answered, "Hey Alex how's it going?"

"It's going alright. Just calling to make sure you remembered that my baby shower slash gender reveal is this Wednesday. Do you have the reveal ready?" she asked.

I had planned it but have yet to execute my plan. No need for her to have more on her plate though. "Yeah, I have everything ready. I'm bringing one of those normal color reveal cakes as well just in case you don't like my creative plan."

"Fantastic. Thank you for helping me I don't know what I would have done without you and my mom planning this with me."

"Who all did you send invitations out to, any of Ben's family?" I asked cautiously.

"Just his cousin Veronica. She's the only one not taking his side. They're all idiots. It's honestly insane how I didn't see that before."

"Yeah well, people aren't always who you think they are. It's hard to see past the niceties when someone is wearing a mask. They always show their true colors when it gets down to the nitty gritty though."

"Yeah, you're right. Anyways I have a few more calls to make. Text me later?" We said our goodbyes and I headed home to start doing my reveal plan. There goes my plan to relax. 

☪

Alright guys this is basically a filler chapter but its important for dee to confront her feeling for character development. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Until next time :)