Stay B-Side Me

ARTIST: Camilo

I returned to the table to find Jaiden scarfing down a quesadilla. "What took you so long?" Charis asked. "I met someone I knew on the way," I was about to tell them what happened when I realized Kenzie was gone. "Did Kenzie go to the bathroom, too?" Charis gave a mischievous giggle. "She went to see Aditi," she mocked. Aditi was Kenzie's 'friend,' and we were all planning on them ending up together. "They need to hurry up and get married," Jaiden smirked. "At this point," I added, "I'll just have to plan the wedding myself."

The dinner passed eventually and we all began gathering our stuff. Charis hadn't eaten anything, and I had asked her to come to my house with me so I could give her something there. It broke my heart knowing my girlfriend was struggling with eating problems. It had been about five months since it first started, and I had thought it was subduing, but apparently not.

We said goodbye to Jayden before entering my car. I looked at Charis for a couple of seconds, only to realize she was avoiding eye contact. I took a deep breath before placing my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, ma, is everything okay?" I slowly rubbed her arm to soothe her. She looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and blinked a few times before looking back out the window. "Hey... there's something I need to tell you," she muttered. "You can tell me anything," I assured, "I swear." She took a few more heavy breaths before continuing. "Listen. I feel like recently, we've been growing... apart." Oh no. I knew what was happening, where this was going. "What... do you mean by that?" I tried to keep calm. Her eyes started getting wet before they met mine again. "It just feels like..." she was almost whispering, "you don't care." A tear escaped her eye and I watched as it slid down her small face. "I care about you more than anything," I reached out and gently wiped the tear from her eye, "I tell you that all the time."

"That's not true," she choked, "ever since we made this band, the only thing you ever talk about is your damn guitar." She fisted her hands into her hair and her face grew red. "The only  thing you care about is the band- and not even the band! Just how many people follow us on Scottify." Tears were pouring from her eyes and the only thing I could do was stare. "That's it?" she whimpered, "now, of all times, is when you want to stay quite?" She struggled to take a full breath in between her sobs. "Charis... please don't cry," I begged. "This doesn't have to be it, darling." My eyes welled up in realization that it really might be. 

"I... I don't get it!" She was sobbing now and my tears were now beginning to fall as well. "It was going so well, Camilo. We were perfect. I just want to understand, how... did we get this fucked up?" I audibly heard my heart crack in my chest. This was my fault, all my fault. Charis was feeling this pain because of me. If I could hurt the girl I cared for most in my life this much, who else have I hurt without even realizing? The car door clicked and I looked up to see her exiting the car. No, she couldn't leave. Not now, not when she was in this state. Not when we were in this state. I reached to grab her arm and she flinched away from me, immediately realizing her mistake. Our eyes met for a couple of seconds as I gaped at her in horror. "Please," my voice started breaking as I cried, "please stay. I need you Charis. You're the only thing I care about. I don't know what I can do without you. Don't go. Don't leave me. Please..." Her eyes met mine once again and soon, we were driving back to her house. 

"Mami..." 

"Don't call me that." She snapped.

"Ch... Charis?" I hesitated. She'd never denied me calling her pet names, ever. Her jaw ticked before she allowed me to continue. "Are we still together? I know there's issues, and it's my problem, but if you give me a chance I swear I can make it right-" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXBu09fwe3I

"We're together." She cut me off. "But I don't know how long Camilo, I really don't. Some moments of silence passed between us before we arrived at her house and before she could open the door again, I called her name once again. "You said... the only thing I cared about was the band." Well, at the restaurant earlier..."

I told her of everything that happened and she just sat there staring at me. I couldn't detect any familiar emotion on her face and was sort of excited to hear her response. Maybe our relationship wouldn't be taking any damage from this. If only Charis could see that all the effort we'd put into this band was finally making some progress. That it wasn't all in vain. "Camilo..." she said softly, "do you realize how bad you fucked up?" My face dropped. "Fucked up?" I stuttered, "what do you mean? This is the biggest opportunity the band has ever gotten. Do you know how big we could be because of this?"  

She just sat there staring in disbelief. "And there you go again. Camilo, did you even think about what we wanted?"

"What do you mean? If we win this competition- which I know we will- everyone will know our name." 

"NO CAMILO. This band does NOT consist of just you. It's all of us. And you didn't even think of asking us about what we thought about the company. This is what I was just talking about, damn it!"

She violently swung open the car door and ran into her house where she currently lived by herself.

I sat in the car for a couple long minutes with hundreds of regretful thoughts running through my head before thinking, "fuck it," and following her into the house.