|| ballet, shadows, and the rain || (SsSSS)

ballet, shadows, and the rain

"Assemblé, sissonne, sissonne, tombe pas de bourrée, glissade, grand jeté"

The claps being provided from my ballet instructor, aligning with the tempo of the music, rang through my head as I flew through the air, landing on every count.

With every impact with the ground I could feel the tears edging closer to the brim of my deep blue eyes.

As I finished with my grand jete the girl behind me began her first few steps, the music looping.

This was the last combination of the class. I didn't even stay to watch the rest of the girls finish the steps; I quickly grabbed my sweater and water bottle and made a beeline towards the dressing room.

I felt my hands become weak and start shaking as I attempted to untie my pointe shoe ribbons. I managed to get them both undone, quickly slipping them off and removing my toe pads and spacer.

As I leaned over to throw them in my bag the tears started falling. I tried my best not to choke on them and quickly pulled on my jacket and gathered my bags.

The girls just started to file out the studio door as I passed it and swiftly made my way over towards the double doors that led to the cool night air, free of judgment and insecurities.

A cold breeze fled past me, blowing my jacket open, as I pushed open the door.

I was also met with the sharp feeling of raindrops falling down onto me.

I forcefully pulled my hood up, preparing for the walk home. My house was only a fifteen minute walk from the studio which meant I had to get home myself, considering my mother was still at work. She was always at work, especially after my dad passed. Work distracted her from his passing. And taking care of her daughter.

The rain seemed to become heavier as I started home, weighing down my jacket.

I started to feel the water seep through the fabric sending goose bumps up and down my arms.

The coldness caused my breath to be visible, even in the night sky.

Their words keep replaying in my mind, their judgmental glares, their side comments and whispers to their peers.

Suddenly the temperature of the raindrops on my face changed, they were warm.

I quickly realized, as I tasted the saltiness, that they were not raindrops but my own tears streaming down my face again.

I used to enjoy Ballet, it was my passion. The upbeat music, the twirling, the stickers at the end of class but now it felt like more of a chore rather than something I did for fun. This feeling hurt. It hurt bad. Losing enjoyment in your once closely-held passion was torturous.

I eventually reached my home and began up my lengthy driveway. The driveway led to the entrance of my enormous house. A gift from my lawyer parents.

I unzipped the side pocket of my bag and dug through food wrappers and hair ties until I felt the cold-sharp metal of my key.

I opened and locked the door behind me and shoved my key back in the pocket, placing my bag down besides the doormat. I removed my jacket and hung it up on the coat rack, careful not to get water everywhere.

I made my way down a narrow hall and into my kitchen to get a glass of water. As I waited for my glass to fill up I glanced over towards the place where I feed Rover, my small cat. I noticed his bowl was still full of food.

"Rover?" I called out, trying to locate him so I could show him his food that I put out before leaving for my ballet class. "Rover," I repeated in a high pitched voice that I normally abuse when I call him.

Considering my house was so large it wasn't surprising Rover didn't hear me. I paced around the house a little calling his name in hopes he would hear me. After the day I had, I didn't want to search my three story home for him like I've had to do other nights.

I sharply turned as I heard the familiar sound of a floorboard creak. It was quite often in this house, caused by its old age.

"Rover?"

I walked down the hallway, slowing my pace as a wave of irregular fear washed over me. Having a big house came with advantages but also a lot of negatives. It was empty; too empty. This emptiness created an eerie feeling, especially when there were only two people living in it.

I was tempted to call out his name again but the wave of fear disabled my vocal chords. I turned the corner to the banister that overlooked my vastly open living room, the only source of light coming from the moon which was a day away from being full.

In the shadows of my living room I could make out a small lump of something.

As I tried to focus in on it more I once again heard another creak but this time it sounded like it was coming from the hallway right behind me. I swiftly turned towards the harsh sound.

I lost my breath, my heart sunk. I was faced with a dark shadow at the end of the hall, almost unseeable, covered by other overlapping shadows.

All my worries vanished, my insecurities, struggles, their words. All gone. All drowned out by the sound of each individual raindrop smashing against the skylights above and the overwhelming fear that was blooming in my chest as I stood there, paralyzed.

The sounds of the floor giving away the figure shifting its weight snapped me halfway back into reality. I tried to reach the stairs that led to the living room where there was a balcony door but the other half of me, still lost in fear, clouded my mind causing me to trip over my feet and stumble down the first few steps.

My harsh breathing became audible as I struggled to regain my sense of reality and make it down the rest of the stairs. I could sense the figure coming towards me.

I managed to stumble down the rest of the staircase, the sounds of another pair of footsteps following close behind me taking over my mind.

I ran towards the balcony door and fumbled the handle around trying to find the lock, still hearing the footsteps. Or was it the sound of the rain? I felt the floor board I was standing on vibrate as though someone else had occupied it as I finally twisted the lock and swung open the door.

It opened to a small balcony with a short railing surrounding it. The rain obliterating any view from the balcony as it was downpouring.

Coming in contact with the farthest railing I whipped around.

Face to face with the man.

Through my peripheral vision I could make out something in his hand. A dark object being raised towards me.

Everything went silent as I felt myself backing up, tipping over the side of my balcony.

It was a short fall. One story.

I couldn't even process it before I felt my back collide with the rock solid ground. My hands gripped the soaked grass beneath me, my eyes squeezed shut in pain.

Pain.

It was all I felt.

It shot up into my shoulders and spine and down into my legs like one big lightning bolt.

I tried to scream but nothing came out.

The rain poured down onto my face, pooling in every place it could find.

I managed to open my eyes and stare at the dark hooded figure staring back down at me.

It felt like minutes passed, staring into the darkness of the hood, until I could muster up enough strength to try to get to my feet. The figure remained there, staring.

I began to run down the hill towards the road. The rain turned my clothes into cold weights, slowing me down.

I didn't even look back, I just kept running and running and running.

I ran through the haze and down the street with no specific destination in mind. I just ran.

I ran away from it all; the figure, the stress, my mother, everything. I left it all in the dark, eerie, empty place I called my home.

Their words no longer occupied my mind, only the rain did.