My First Love

12

The diary

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Hello Diary.
What should i exactly write.
I am not those who write diaries.
But still it was my birth gift. I should use it.
What do people usually write in diaries.
Their daily routine.
But there's nothing special in my daily life routine. It's just home then school then home. Why should i write this boring routine and then when in future I'll re read it, I'll find it boring.
Maybe i could start sharing my problems with this diary. I don't have friends with whom I'll share my problems. Neither i want to burden mom anymore. She is also not living a peaceful life herself then why burdening her more with my problems.
So let's make this diary my friend, my secret holder, my problems listeners. That will do it.

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Living in the capital city, Seoul, and studying in a good university isn't something peaceful or maybe not for me. The students here are all from rich families and provided many facilities. Whereas i am from a normal well to do family but the thing that i got admission on the basis of scholarship and i don't have to pay school fee is what irritates them most. Though my dad's pay is enough to provide me facilities, pay for my fee and still able to have savings but what should i do when he is not in favor of spending his money on me. I can't make that affect my studies. Being on scholarship isn't a bad thing. But these short minded people can't understand. They all look at me like i am someone inferior to them. No one wants to be friends with me. No one even wants to have any kind of conversation with me. They didn't even notice me even if i am the one asking something or starting a conversation. They act like i am invisible. Yes they never have bullied me physically but they are torturing me mentally. I tried to make myself used to it as this is how my life's gonna proceed. People only make friends for their benefits.

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Gosh what a shocking truth i have discovered today. My grandma visited us durning holidays and she share about my parents past. My parents weren't like this before. My dad was a loving and caring father. And i would probably had an elder brother too if he wouldn't have died cause of birth defects. That's the incident that change dad. I know most people prefer boys but it didn't mean that if you had a daughter you should neglect her. I can understand he might have felt heartbroken loosing his first child as per what granny told me how he had prepared everything for the unborn baby, from clothes to toys, from new utensils and cutlery to new furniture. His death might have been a tragic incident but it doesn't mean you should neglect the basic love and attention your other child need.

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Just when i thought my life was going pretty smoothly and i didn't encounter any misfortune event, then yesterday's incident happened. Mom was feeling sick. She had slight fever still she worked all day and prepare meal. But her condition was getting worse because of lack of rest. So i assure her that I'll take care of things from onwards. She should rest a little bit. After making her sleep i was waiting for dad to come back home. I have to serve him dinner. I didn't know i fall asleep while waiting for him. It was around 2 in the morning when i woke up cause of dad's loud rambling. He was furious that he didn't got any meal or water to drink the moment he step inside the house. I immediately got up and apologize and was about to heat the prepared meal when I was gifted with his cruel beating for neglecting my duties towards him. I didn't neglect it though. I just mistakenly fall asleep and i was going to serve him. Can't he wait a little bit. Thank god mom was asleep so she didn't have to witness my weak self getting beaten up by my own dad once again. I also tried very hard to control my sobs not to disturb mom or anger him anymore. After getting satisfied he went towards his room and slept. I didn't know whether he said or do anything to mom for this mistake of mine. But i think he didn't. Cause next day mom was oblivious of the whole situation.