Lost Pride

Twenty Three

Emile's POV

"Justin, I am so sorry," I whispered over and over again in his ear, my arms pulling him in even closer as I held him to my chest. No amount of words could describe how deeply regretful I was for basically putting Justin through hell. Seeing him break like this in front of me broke something within me. I had to admit it hurt even worse than when he was taken from me.

I hated seeing him in so much pain and knowing that I had been the cause of it was enough to make me want to hurt myself. If Justin wanted me out of his life, I would fight tooth and nail to be with him, but if that was the only way he felt he could be happy, then I would do it. I didn't want to cause him any more pain. But when he was right in front of me, crying and opening up to me, I felt no reason to decline the comfort he craved. And how could I when I missed having him in my arms so much?

"I can't do this anymore, Emile!" He cried. "Just tell me what happened," Justin said as he tried to untangle himself from me, but I kept holding him as we slid down the wall to the floor until we both sat down with him between my legs.

"I want to," I told him, rubbing his hair gently and pulling the brown locks away from his tear-stained face. "I want to tell you everything, Justin."

"Then do it!"

I pressed my lips to the top of his head, kissing him softly before taking in a deep breath. "Do you remember when we met for the first time?" I asked him. He shook his head and I nodded, not sure why I had expected anything different. Just because he remembered a few details about the apartment didn't mean he had all his memories back. And while he didn't completely remember me, the memory of our first meeting was as clear as day to me.

"You were the most beautiful Consort I'd laid my eyes on that night," I whispered. I thought Justin was the most beautiful Consort I'd ever seen when I saw him walk through the doors of the bar. There was something about how he looked that reminded me of someone I once knew, someone so dear to me that the first thought in my mind was to speak to him. And when I watched as Justin made his way toward me, I realized that it wasn't just the familiarity about him that drew me to him. "There was something about you that drew me to you... I had no idea what it was at the time. Not even when you spent the night with me right in this apartment. But when you left the next day, I knew I had to find you. It didn't matter how I did it, I just wanted to find you."

"I searched for a few days online with the name you gave me. Since you told me that you had been named a Handler that day, I thought to search on the DHCS website for you, and well, when I found you were a Consort... the first thing I did was laugh, really."

"You mean I lied to you?" Justin asked with a raised brow as he pulled away to stare at me.

I nodded. "Yeah... but I mean, I should've realized it sooner since most Handlers don't look like you," I stated. Justin stared blankly for a while before I noticed the corners of his lips turn up into a small smile, which made my heart flutter. Justin really made me feel different. Never would I have thought or even admitted to some of the feelings that grew within me whenever Justin was near, but with him, I had no problem being vulnerable.

"Okay... what happened next?"

I licked my lips, my eyes moving away from his as the next events came to me. It was something I wished I had done differently. "I- I rejected you," I stated. His smile fell as soon as the words left my lips, his lips drawing to a thin line and face hardening. I didn't blame him for that. "Justin, I have to let you know that I regretted doing that, it was the stupidest decision I'd ever made in my life and I am so sorry for doing that to you."

Justin said nothing to that, only keeping his eyes away from me. I took that as a sign to continue but knowing what was coming next somehow made me anxious. I gulped as I tried to take his hand in mine if only to show him that I was never going to do such a thing again, but I stopped short when Justin moved away slightly.