alis || namjin

1

On Christmas Eve, most people would be having the time of their lives.

They would be drinking, eating, hanging out with family, playing in the snow, and enjoying life.

But not Kim Namjoon. To him, Christmas Eve was the worst day of the year. It reminded him of how he had been hurt by love, his heart torn into pieces.

He wanted no memory of last Christmas Eve, no memory of his life before that. He knew it was foolish. There is no getting rid of memories. Not when memory is constantly invading one's thoughts. Thoughts cannot be distinguished or gotten rid of. They can be never forgotten, only replaced with better ones.

But when no new memories take place, old memory will stay in the mind of the one who thinks of them. It is an occurrence that cannot be cheated.

~

A tall man sat in a velvety, cream-colored armchair, his long, slender fingers wrapped around a cut of hot chocolate. The armchair was fairly new, and so was the mug in his hand, the clothes he was wearing, and nearly everything in the house. Even the house itself is new.

Sipping his frothy brew, he glanced at the time, to see it was currently around 7:30 at night. The TV was on, at a low volume, playing a soft melody from a romantic Christmas movie. Normally, Namjoon stayed away from anything love related, may it be k-drama, movies, or books. Instead, he found his time spent exploring his most burning passion- art. Not just any art, but the act of sculpting.

Today, though, he had no energy for sculpting. Today, he decided to face his fears, and watch a Hallmark movie. Yet, the showing was truly boring to Namjoon. His mind began to wander, not really paying attention to the TV anymore. Instead, he found himself doing the regrettable.

He found himself thinking. And remembering. However, somewhere in his thoughts, he was met with sleep, then a dream.

~

Namjoon was asleep on... clouds? Well, they looked like clouds. They were soft, fluffy, white, and well, cloud-like. But clouds should be cold. They should be wet. This cloud was warm and comfortable. It was like the most fantastic bed. A bed that smelt like vanilla and cotton candy. Suddenly, the cloud shifted in his grasp.

With wide eyes, Namjoon realized it wasn't a piece of cloud. Because this thing had wings. Soft, fluffy wings that didn't feel like wings at all. They were white as snow and dainty like a delicate flower.

Namjoon was in awe. Because these wings were perfect. So perfect words couldn't describe them. But there was something else that he hadn't realized. When there are wings, there is an attached.

In a milky white suit that matched the clouds, there was a body. An elegant, strong, wide-shouldered body. There was hair also, fluffy auburn-colored hair that softly curled into a mullet. But there was no face. In the place where it would've been, was a blank white mask.

Namjoon had never seen such beauty, regardless of not being able to see the man's face. A hand grabbed the mask. He noticed the body's fingers and stared. The body flinched and hid its hand behind its back.

"Your fingers are beautiful", Namjoon said quickly, almost instinctively, "Don't hide them from me".

The body visibly relaxed, "Thank you, Namjoon", his voice was like honey, smooth and sweet, "Do you want to see me?".

The voice of an angel, Namjoon thought. Then, he suddenly remembered and he recognized the voice. It was the voice of someone who he had been hearing in his mind for months now. Ever since last Christmas Eve, he had heard a voice in his head, guiding him, and helping him not to give up on himself. It was his guardian angel. It was the voice in his head that had not given up on him, even when he gave up on himself. Did he want to see the face of his angel?

Scared. The first thing going through Namjoon's mind was how scared he was. His angel was real. Well, maybe not really, but there was a human body. A perfect, beautiful human body. He was simply terrified. The voice in his mind was real? But then, he stopped. The fear settled in his chest, and he realized, he did want to see his angel. He wanted a face to the voice that helped him through his breakup and helped heal his broken heart.

"Yes".

The angel delicately pulled the white mask off his face, revealing his true self.

It made Namjoon's breath hitch. He was so beautiful. Luscious, thick, cherry-red lips, a soft, pretty nose, and dazzling hazel eyes.

"You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen", Namjoon's hands touched every inch of his angel's face, unable to process his beauty.

Melting into his touch, the angel spoke, "I'm so proud of you, Kim Namjoon. You've learned to live a new life, accept yourself for who you are, and you are finally ready to move on. That is why I showed myself to you".

"You're leaving me?", Namjoon said quickly, almost whining, "When I've just seen you?".

"I'm leaving you because you're ready. You don't need me anymore", the angel gently removed Namjoon's fingers from his face and stood up.

"Wait-", he spoke with panic as he reached out to grab his angel's hands.

"We'll meet again one day, okay?".

With those stinging words, the cloud underneath Namjoon turned cold and wet, and he began to fall through the sky, like raindrops among rain.