Need To Know

Part 4

I woke to Carter squirming against my side, letting out the little whines that always preceded a full-on cry. The poor thing was probably starving by now, especially with all the excitement of the last few days. Still, it took me a few minutes of leisurely stretching to work up the courage to move.

"Alright, sweetie," I reassured him. "I've got you. We'll take care of it."

I sat up and surveyed the motel room once more. Not for the first time, I thanked god I didn't live with men. Even ones so lethal and important as the Winchester brothers apparently still hadn't mastered the art of picking their dirty socks up off the floor.

The first thing I did was creep over to the diaper bag and change Carter. I would've killed for a clean onesie or something, too, but there were none to be found, so I just made it work with what I had. Sam and Dean were still fast asleep, Dean sprawled across the other bed like a starfish and Sam passed out at his computer, so I tried to be quiet. Carter, unfortunately, didn't seem to get the memo. His sniffles were beginning to raise in pitch the longer I worked without feeding him.

"Okay, okay, little man. Just give me a second." I looked down at my outfit and tried to figure out how this would work. It was one of Sam's giant t-shirts, practically falling off me at the shoulders and hitting me mid-thigh. Dean had offered an outfit of his own, of course, but the smell of cheap beer and sweat that clung to the fabric was off-putting enough that I opted for Sam's. This one seemed freshly laundered, at least.

Finally, I just settled back on the bed and tucked the shirt up under my chin for easy access. I should've worn my nursing bra, it would have made this so much easier. Carter latched easily, for once, and I sighed in relief as the pressure in my breast began to lessen.

"There we go," I murmured to him. "See? That wasn't so bad, right? Just had to get you clean first."

It was the first moment of actual peace I'd had in a while, feeding my son in the pale morning light that filtered through the curtains. It was a nice feeling, to be safely tangled up in the sheets together, knowing that we could just stop and catch our breath for a while. I glanced over at the two hunters fast asleep in their respective places. What a strange turn my life had taken, to be sitting here with them.

After several minutes, it was time to shift Carter over to the other side. This was the part he hated most.

"Come on, kiddo," I admonished quietly. "Let's do this nice and easy..."

I unlatched him, and immediately regretted it. Carter shrieked, displeased at having his food source removed for even a second, and I startled at the noise.

"Sh, sh, sh, shh!" I got him to latch to my other nipple easily enough, but the damage was done. Both Winchester men stirred from their sleep, disrupted by my son's cries. Dean, miraculously, just buried his head into the pillow and fell still again, but Sam was up for sure.

"Sorry," I murmured. "I was trying not to wake you guys."

Sam rubbed a hand over his face and yawned. "S'alright, I get up early anyway." The poor guy was still in his outfit from yesterday, and seemed to be rubbing an ache in his neck from the awkward angle at which he'd slept.

Finally, he looked over at me, and seemed to immediately regret it. I guess seeing me half-naked and breastfeeding was a little too much for him, this early in the morning. He didn't say anything, just blushed fiercely and stifled a cough.

Normally, I didn't give a shit about this kind of thing- it was just a routine detail of my life, part of being a mom, and I'd never been squeamish. I was a nursing student for god's sake, bodily fluids were kind of my specialty. Somehow, though, it felt different knowing that Sam's eyes were on me. More intimate.