당신의 서비스에 파멸 (DISCONTINUED)

...

it was a grey afternoon. an afternoon so dull, it made everything look hopelessly helpless. but she liked it. she liked the way it gave everything an unidentifiable vagueness, the way it attached a string of melancholy to everyone and everything. she didn't know why- but she liked it. she liked the cold, grey afternoons. she liked them more than the brightness of spring and the gushes of giggles of monsoon. afternoons like that gave her a feeling of nostalgia whose origin she could never trace back to. but she liked it.

the afternoon on the day of november the sixth was such an afternoon.wrapping the muffler closer around her neck, she looked outside the glass covered window. "it's already dark?" she thought, something of a sigh and a laugh emitting out from her lips. she checked her wristwatch— eight. she looked around— almost everyone had left.

"i'm done for today. want me to wait for you?"—the person at the desk beside her nodded her head sideways. it was a no.she sighed. "okay then. don't overwork yourself like this everyday though, okay? you'll get brain damage at this rate. and i'm always there if you want a free ride."

she didn't know if the brain damage part was true or not— she just hated to see her work herself to death.

patting her on the back, she put on her cardigan and left the office for that day.

"afternoons pass by too quick, nowadays, don't you think?" she asked the first star she saw when she looked up. "too fast". she was waiting for the last bus for almost fifteen minutes now, when she saw her rushing out of the office and running in the opposite direction. she tried calling out to her, but she ran away too fast. smiling, she thought, "too fast. everything happens too fast. life happens too fast— do we even get to live it?"

the bus finally came.

———

she opened the lock to her place.

"i'm home", she said to nobody in particular. she lived alone— not that she minded it. she always liked soltitude. living alone was one of her dreams since childhood.

sighing, she went and lay straight down on the bed with her laptop.

clicking open the notepad app, she wrote:

hey,i guess i'm learning to love. love whom, i have no idea. but i'm slowly beginning to appreciate all the little things in my life— like the bus ride home.

she saved the file and closed her laptop. sighing, she looked up at the ceiling.

standing, standing on the edge. always a second away from death. she looked down. " the world seems so small", she whispered.

|||

taking out the letter, she added a line to it. "mom, do me a last favour— forget about me immediately after you see this. please."

she looked straight in front of her— it was dark. dark and cold. a winter night like so many others. but she wasn't feeling any of it. none of it.