With All That I Am: Bound To You

Every Hour

"We're going to spend the rest of the day in bed."

That sounded great to Winter. Karina carried her upstairs and set her on their bed. She undid Winter's shoes and shrugged out of her suit. Only then did Winter notice the swelling of her hand and the blood on her knuckles.

Winter frowns when she notices it and wonders how she hadn't noticed it earlier.

Karina cradles her hand in hers, "do you want me to call Dr. Wells?"

The younger woman shakes her head, "no, it's fine."

"Come on." Karina said, helping her stand and pull the zipper to her dress down.

The dress began to fall before Winter remembered her scars. She clutched the dress to her front and bit her lip, as cold hard reality seeped in. Karina had made love to her without seeing—

"What, my love? What is it?"

Winter looks down, "I—, Um, it isn't pretty... You may not want to see—," Karina gently pried Winter's hands off of the dress until it fell to the ground.

Winter closed her eyes, as she was left standing in her underwear, scars and insecurities bare for Karina to see. Even she could barely stand them. Karina was used to beautiful things. Her life had always been luxurious, and Winter definitely did not feel like any of those things. Her chest was a representation of what she felt inside—disfigured and ugly.

The silence stretched.

Winter tries to turn around and hide herself, but Karina doesn't allow her to.

"Karina—,"

"Jimin." Karina cuts her off sternly, "I never want to hear you calling me Karina ever again."

Winter still refuses to open her eyes, hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Karina's eyes glimmer with pain as she stares at the love of her life, completely hating herself; unshed tears that she will never allow to find its release.

"Minjeong." Karina whispers, and her hands are visibly shaky as they rise to cradle Winter's face. "I don't care about the scars, baby. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on, and these—," she runs a finger over one of the scars on Winter's chest, making the younger woman shudder, —these are beauty marks that signify your strength. I'm so glad you're with me, my love. I'm so fucking glad."

Winter slowly opens her eyes and sees hazel brown eyes shimmering under the light. Her hand rises to cup Karina's cheek, and the older woman shuts her eyes in relief.

"I'm here." Winter said, just because she knew Karina needed to hear it.

She wanted to ask how Karina felt. Not about her, because Karina wasn't exactly secretive about her love for Winter.

But about everything else.

Did Karina allow herself to mourn? Did she allow herself to acknowledge her pain and loss this time? Winter saw how Karina reacted to Aeri's death, and she knew the older woman still bottled up that grief till now.

"You can cry if you need to, Jimin."

Karina shakes her head, connecting their foreheads. "I don't need to. I have you with me now. That's all that matters."

Winter knows that's not true. No one can get through something as traumatic as they've gone through this quickly. Winter knows she won't be okay for a long time. Maybe Karina had been better at containing herself, but the fact that she has shown no emotional grief about losing her best friend and her parents, that alone tells Winter that her wife was not okay.