The Indelibles (Wattys2015)

Chapter Five: Eavesdropping & Sunrises

PHOENIX

I can't sleep tonight. At all. And it's not from the soreness of my new ink.

Maybe it's from the constant racking of my brain trying to find the slot that holds the memory of Athan.

Or it is my parents. They probably miss me, a lot. But the thing that is killing me is that I don't feel the same; I don't miss them as much as they might have missed me. Yes, I do miss them, but not enough to actually cry about it. Am I heartless? Maybe I've been so distracted and pushing away the feelings and memories of them that they're completely gone. Wait, no they aren't.

I force my eyes closed, for the first time, I want to cry, I want to feel emotions. And I do, a single tear falls from my eye and onto my pillow. I want to not be so heartless towards the ones I love. I'm not sure why, but I always believed that this would be easy and that I could get through this. But making them like me is a lot harder than I thought it would be. And, I'm not even trying to make them like me because I want to trick them. No, I want them to like me for my own selfish reason of wanting to be excepted. It dumb! I'm leaving soon anyways! As soon as that city is in sight I'll just ditch them all! And even the people I consider my friends here. I don't want to leave Fenna, Ki, Avani, and even Faye. Why? Because he makes my life more interesting. I don't have any siblings or things occupying my mind. Faye does that. Since I came here I have been busy thinking of ways to make him mad. It's just a thing we do. Piss each other off, then get upset when the other succeeds in doing so.

But what if they actually need me? Something about this year will be different. Athan says it will be, and it wasn't during the announcement in the cafeteria.

After my incident in the hallway with Faye, I didn't go directly to my room. I wondered mindlessly throughout the hallways until I realized what I wanted to do. Talk to Fenna. I wasn't sure why I felt like I needed to, but it seemed like the thing to do Since I know I didn't want to sleep. I also didn't see him in the cafeteria now that I thought about it. Fenna's directions to his lab were still in my pocket, so my eyes stay glued to the paper. I was in no rush. If I talk to someone too soon, they might say the tiniest wrong thing and I'd be ready to strangle them.

On the way I heard yelling. As I walked deeper into the compound, I realized the source was Athan's office. I slowed down my paste, to where the sound of my tiny breaths could barely be overheard. I kept my back flat against the wall by the office door. No guards are there since it's so late now. Around ten o' clock.

"No no no! You idiot!" Athan screamed, "Don't you understand that you doing that tiny thing can ruin the plan? No, scratch that. You already did!"

The plan? Surely they must be talking about the lockdown. Who ruined it?

"It will be fine, man."

I knew that voice. Fenna. What did he do? Why was Athan yelling at him?

Athan's voice got quieter after he sighs. "Listen, this year will be different. There is something we are trying to stop from happening. And you doing what you did completely changed everything! Do you need to be reminded?"

Stop from happening. The words rang in my head for a moment. What could have that meant? Could he be talking about the drug?

"No! No I don't," Fenna had said.

I wanted to find out more, but that would involve me saying I was eavesdropping on their private conversation. I bit my lip and went straight to my room instead, I'd rather die heroically or peacefully instead of getting killed because I was eavesdropping. Screw Fenna's lab, I needed to save my butt. I began I tip toeing away from Athan's office when Fenna's voice interrupts me.