Lost (Kellic)

Chapter 3

Kellins POV

Beeping. That incessant beeping. I've failed. I know I have, Anyone could tell from a mile away what that beeping was. And it was also not helping my pounding headache. My eyes slowly fluttered open and I felt as if I hadn't slept in a year I was so exhausted, I grunted out something unrecognizable and that when I realised I was right I had failed. And to add more to my pain, my parents were sitting here, looking absolutely devastated. And that when I finally broke and reality hit me like a train.

I felt my chest tightening and I couldn't swallow as easily as before. My breathing was becoming faster and thinner and every time I moved I got hit with a tidal wave of pain from the majority of my body. I wanted nothing more than to run out this goddamn hospital and end it all, only this time actually succeeding.

"Kellin, honey, you need to breathe, you need to calm down sweetie. We're here, please breathe." My mum begged softly. Looking in her pain ridden eyes I somehow slowly calmed down. Looking to my dad he had unshed tears in his eyes, then he reached towards me and pulled me into a tight hug. "K-kellin, please, p-please tell us what happened?" He asked in my ear, the occasional sniffle and sob would escape his lips by accident. I just shock my head. Unable to stop my own crying now which would only mean mum was crying too. I've caused them so much pain.

I just burry my head into my dads neck and completely break down. "I j-just want to die" I choke out. "P-please, let me die" my dad just holds me tighter while my mum rubs my back shushing me sweetly. I started off my breakdown angry that I failed but after 20 minutes I lost all my energy and just wanted to collapse. After being so caught up in the fact I failed it distracted me from the pain, but now I'm calming down its all coming back to me. However luckily for me some guy who must be my doctor has just walked in.

"Hi Kellin, I'm doctor Carlile. How are you feeling?" He asked gently. I think he realised it was a bad moment for me because he looked away from me and at my parents. "Would you mind if I talk to Kellin alone please?" They nodded and quietly left the room. Once the door was shut he turned back to me.

"I understand that you probably don't feel like talking and that you're mad because you were saved, but I want a psychologist to come in and chat to you. He's only 3 years older than you and he too was bullied in high school. I think he might be someone you can talk to, help you get through it all like he has. You'll be seeing him at least twice a day over the next few days while you're in here, is it ok if I bring him in?" I just nodded. Doctor Carlile left and returned seconds later with an adorable Hispanic looking boy. "This is Vic. He's just going to stay for a little while and you can get to know each other. Ok?" I merely just nodded again, he gave a simple nod to me and a smile at Vic and headed out the room.

"Hey Kellin is it?" Another nod. "Ok Kellin, how about I tell you a little bit about myself yea? So you feel a little more comfortable talking to me." He sat on the end of my bed near my feet. "So I'm Vic, I'm 20 years old, however I turn 21 in 2 months. Um I have a brother named mike who is also gay like me and he's getting married to his boyfriend Tony in 6 months. Uh, well I guess I'll move on to the hard stuff. I got bullied like you, it started in the middle of junior year when I came out to my fiends. I thought I could trust them but they turned their backs on me, long story short I turned to self harm and would cut everyday, multiple times a day even, just so I didn't feel anymore. Then one day Mike found me passed out on my bedroom floor because I cut too deep and bled out. My little brother found me, it was heartbreaking, I was his everything, his world, then he goes and finds his hero in that state. Anyway so my parents found out then my family became the ones I'd go to when I needed it. Once I finally got better I decided I wanted to be there for someone like me. Help them so they realise how perfect they are. And here I am in this job." He put on a big toothy smile at the end, it was cute. But I can't believe all that happened. Vic seemed so perfect and content. I guess everyone can be deceiving.

"Listen, Kellin, I know you must not be feeling great right now, not just emotionally but physically so I'm going to go and let you rest for a bit. Okay?"

"Sure" I croak out. I didn't have the energy to speak but Vic's got this vibe around him that makes me want to open up. I don't like it, it scares me. I don't open up to people. He's just going to get me to open up, find everything out then ship me off to some hospital and collect his paycheck. I know it.

After Vic walked out my parents came back in, resuming their positions either side of my bed. Again my mum took my hand in hers and starred at the scarred skin that's not covered by bandages. Tears filling her eyes as she shifts her gaze up to meet my eyes. "I-I'm so s-sorry mum" my voice cracked at the end. She just shook her head at me and stood up to kiss my forehead. I wrapped my arm around her body and hugged her like my life depended on it. Which it kind of did. The next thing I knew she climbed onto the bed next to me and lay us down, still with my dad rubbing my shoulder comfortingly and holding my left hand. After I lay down and snuggled into my mums hug I felt so exhausted and dead to the point where I couldn't keep the sobs in any longer. After a while I let myself slowly cry myself to sleep.

I woke feeling awfully groggy and a little confused. I felt like I'd had a terrible night sleep, and it turned out I did. I opened my eyes and found both my parents talking quietly to each other in their seats. I turn my head to the side and squint to see my dad. "Hey kiddo" he strokes my head. "How are you feeling buddy?" I look over at my mum and wonder why they both look so anxious.
"What time is it?" My voice comes out a little shaky.
"It's 4pm. On Saturday" I sit there shocked. I went to sleep on Thursday night.. And it's Saturday afternoon.. What? I'm so lost. "After you went to sleep on Thursday night you had a night terror. It got so bad that the doctors had to sedate you and make you sleep for a long time, so how do you feel now?"
"I-I haven't had a night terror for years. Not since when I was 8.." My voice went timid. Her face instantly went to one of worry and sympathy.
"I know it'll always bother you what happened when you were 8 but is it still really bad now?" My dad asked. I just shook my head in honesty. I haven't thought about that night. Not for a good 4 years.