𝐄𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬𝐞 || ʏᴏᴏɴᴍɪɴ

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 9

Yoongi
_________

Blood, painful wailing, smell of nauseating pheromones, hurt, betrayal, no sense of security, getting injured, stabbed, comatose for days, were the things that built my life in the border, I was only familiar with.

My life was always been simple following a daily routine. Now having another addition, especially my co-ordinated life that was nothing but a single flow of river, I met Park Jimin, my destined mate, everything changed from that moment.

For a person who never thought of having a family surrounded by the nightmares, sworn life to protect my Kingdom, I'm totally invested in this new feeling of belonging.

The thought of living my tomorrows with someone I want to get to know behind the law of attraction, with his eye blinding smile, curiosity, innocence, happiness, I want to embrace of all them.

But all I can feel is the suffocation that constrict my heart everytime our path cross after the day he left me in front of my chamber without giving me an answer. I thought it was because his duty was calling him, as I'd do the same if I was called for my responsibilities as our life is promised to the Kingdom, before ourselves, our happiness, before our mate, our family. That's how our reality works.

Now seeing him trying hard to ignore my existence as if I'm an invisible being I'm getting my answers without his coherent words.

I know we are practically strangers but I really wanted to get to know him, in the thoughts of having a life together with him. I must be greedy but I was ready to invest my time and efforts for a future I thought was possible with him.

I may not be what he deserves but I wanted to break those possibilities.

I would never force something on him. Natural law or not, he don't owe me anything. Not anyone.

It must be a lie if I said it didn't hurt. Everytime when I see him it feels like someone is stabbing me to death. The bond we feel is something magnetic. I wish he doesn't have to feel the same pain I'm feeling in his absence. It's not his fault that he doesnt want anything to do with me. It's not his fault that he has to go through an attraction he doesn't want to acknowledge. Nothing is his fault and I don't want him to go through the pain because Moon Goddess wished something for us, in the name of destined mates.

He felt really good in my arms, surrounded by my warmth that I thought we were getting somewhere. But nothing.

I don't know if it will hurt the same of he at least took a chance to get to know me and decided not to continue. I wish he at least did that but whom I'm kidding, it's gonna hurt the same in every possible scenarios.

I have done my researches about rejecting mates and their fate. It's not that scary as I thought, as even with the law, Moon Goddess wants her children to find happiness but the thought of letting go of something that never been mine sounds scary to me.

Letting go of Park Jimin sounds scary.

I might be so greedy thinking about myself when I should respect his decision but am I not that desirable?

I know that I don't have anything to offer him other than my true self yet letting him go feels terrible as if someone is taking my soul away from me.

Is this feeling only because of the law of attraction? Or just me?

I don't have answers.

I don't know what love is, never felt for someone nor knew someone had those feelings for me, so it's difficult to differentiate my feelings and thoughts but I know I'm fascinated by him. Now days later, he's only making it difficult by being himself. Pulling me while putting up a wall that hard to break and I'd never force anything on him.

That's not me.

Even how greedy I am.