love, emma | j.brooks

three

HE WAS FINALLY OUT. He remembered finally taking that first step out of the hospital after a week and a half of no fresh air, and filling his lungs with as much of the polluted and earthy smell so he would never forget what it was like not to breathe in something that wasn't anti-bacterial soap and hand sanitizer. He remembered feeling his shoes in his feet, and his shoes hitting the concrete parking lot and making stepping sounds that Jai just loved in that moment. He remembered feeling so free and unrestricted. As if he could jump up and fly away in that very moment. He remembered feeling happy.

He remembered hearing his mom laughing behind him at his behavior. "It's like you've never been outside before!" She had said, and smiled in that way where Jai could tell she pitied him. He remembered he hated pity. "It does feel that way," he replied and turned away from her pretending he didn't see the tears start to well up in her eyes.

He remembered the car ride home. The streets and trees blurring together as his mom drove at an adequate speed. He pulled down the window and felt the wind rush through his face and hair. He felt, at that moment, weightless. As if the memories of him being at the hospital were being blown away by the wind, taking the weight of the memories with it. He remembered nothing could top the feeling he felt at that moment.

He also remembered the first step inside the house. There was a makeshift banner in the living room spelling out 'Welcome Home Jai!' and his brothers standing under it with two other boys. He knew those boys, his best friends. He remembered the group hug that happened a split second after he walked into the door. The boys all came together and hugged Jai and asked how he was. "Dude, I'm so glad you're okay. You had us worried." James clapped his hand on Jai's shoulder, and Jai didn't know how to answer to that so he just nodded. "Hey, man, it's good to see you in good health." Daniel came up to Jai and gave him a hug and, again, Jai didn't know what to say so he silently agreed.

Now, here he was, escaping the welcome home party and in his bedroom reading the letter that Myrna had given to him before he left that day. "Sweetie," she had called, "don't forget this!" and she slipped the envelope in Jai's coat pocket. He had been receiving these letters everyday for the past week and a half containing what he understands to be memories of him and a girl. They weren't really memories, just small tidbits of her thoughts and occasionally the odd memory here and there. Jai didn't mind, though, he liked the way she wrote about her opinions of life and the way society is run. He liked the way she spoke her mind to him, and how natural it was for him to read it as if he's heard it all before, which he figured he must have. Most of all, he liked how she was exposing her mind to him more and more through each letter.

-•-

Jai,

I had always wondered what it would be like to give myself to someone. To fully give my entire heart for someone to cherish and hold. To give my darkest parts and entrust someone to make them better. To share my brighter days with someone and make them even brighter. To give myself up and melt into someone's arms because that person is the reason I could trust to piece me together. To invest myself in someone that I get lost in them.

I had realized, only by a mere week of spending time with one another that I was slowly giving myself up to you, but I wasn't receiving anything in return. You weren't giving yourself to me as I was to you, but as I was losing myself piece by piece, you would lose yourself all at once.

-•-

Emma walked down the familiar road towards the same Italian restaurant she had been going to for the past week. This time, it was light outside with the sunlight coming out in thin streams poking through the clouds. The air was bitterly cold and scathed her cheeks leaving them red and raw. Her hair bounced with each step she took as she briskly walked through the cold autumn air.