An Odd First Impression ¦ Carl Grimes

Chapter Nine: Effective Emotions

I DIDN'T EVEN REALLIZE HOW MANY PEOLLE HAVE SEEN THIS LIKE HOLLLYYY HELLLLLLL *jim carrey* THANJ YOU SO MUCH WOAJ
this chapter has...... *whispers* stuff *wink**wink* lol tho yeah. it does. beware. -2284

Maxi's POV

After supper, I decided to kinda explore the place, just out of curiosity. I was sitting outside in one of the watchtowers when I decided to walk back out, but I carefully checked my surroundings to make sure nobody was watching me.

Once I knew there was nobody there, I proceeded to open the gates, but only wide enough for me to squeeze through, and not the walkers.

I strolled along the lining of the outer side of the fence, dragging my knife lightly along the rusted metal. There really wasn't that much happening today. Just a walker here and there outside the gates, but that's normal for a day now.

Have you ever been bored and literally have nothing else to do, so you just sing something randomly? No? Oh well, dont care, because that's exactly what I did.

I sang a song that I heard once when I was younger, but never really understood it. As I got older and listened to the lyrics more, I started to realize how lonely I was, and how much I dreamed that someone would love me enough to sing it to me.

If I don't say this now,
I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take. Forget the urgency,
but hurry up and wait.
My heart has started to separate

I sang the song as if I wrote it, and did specifically for this time in my life. I sang it as if I wouldn't be able to survive the night if I didn't. I sang it as if it was my shield, as if it were a spell putting protection on me.

If ever there was a doubt.
My love she leans into me.
'This most assuredly counts,'
She says most assuredly

I couldn't finish before my eyes started to burn and and had to stop walking due to the fact that I couldn't see where I was going. This song just brought back so many memories that I just couldn't handle. When I was little and couldn't sleep at night, my sister would sing this to me like she it meant something to her. She'd hold me in her arms and rock me back and forth to the beat of the song.

I felt my knees go weak right before I collapsed to the ground. I laid their and quietly sobbed, trying hard not to gain the attention of the few walkers nearby.

After a while, I'd lost track of the time, my face was no longer wet with tears, but hardened from dry ones. I felt completely drained and numb to even move.

So I didn't.

I gazed up at the stars, silently wishing I could be one. They were so beautiful and full of life, luster. They always make people happy, and that's exactly what I want.

I want to be so beautiful and bright that people smile when they see me, no matter how far away I am.

But I know that's not possible anymore. I'm not exactly what would be considered pretty. My body and face are covered in dirt, blood, and small pimples. My hair is a matted rat's nest. My feet appear to have small bunnions from wearing shoes that are too small, but that's all I could find now.

My legs need to be shaved. I don't have a thigh gap, so my legs rubbed against each other when I walked, and then when I sat down, the magically become the size of fucking Australia . My palms and fingertips are dried, rough, and cracked.

I'm so skinny you can almost see all of my bones. I hardly have curves, and they're barely noticeable.

Before Carl found me that day, I was well fed, so I wasn't as skinny, and actually had meat on my bones. I bathed daily under hot water. The only thing that ruined all that was my "guardian". He and his friends would use me for their own disgusting satisfaction. They pushed me around, beat me, raped me.