Tartaglia x Andrew Tate

A New Land

As Andrew Tate drives steadily down the highway in his brand new (ugly) orange Bugatti, he plays a game that has caught his eye. He opens the app for the first time and he gets to choose his traveler. He sees Lumine and says, "Ew, no way I'm choosing a Woman." He chooses Aether even though he's wearing a feminine crop top.

As he does he looks up to see a car swerving into his lane. Quickly, Tate drops his phone and grabs the steering wheel, but... it's too late. The Top G's car goes airborne hitting the car in front of him. As Andrew goes flying through the air, he's knocked unconscious...

He awakens in a strange place. Looking down, he realizes that he's the crop-top wearing lad from before. He scoffs, "This is NOT an alpha outfit. Only BETA males would wear THIS." He looks around for an alpha male wolf t-shirt but is interrupted by a tiny, floating.... FEMALE?!?!? Andrew yelps in disgust.

"Whaaaat Andrew, it's just Paimon!" The tiny creature's voice is so irritating.

"Don't call me Andrew, it's ALPHA MALE TO YOU." Andrew is clearly annoyed.

"Do you not remember, Mr. Andr- I mean Alpha Male??? You saved Paimon from drowning!" the obnoxious rat says.

"I would NEVER save an UGLY FEMALE" says Mr. Top G.

"UGH, you're getting on Paimon's last nerve! You deserve an ugly nickname!" Before Andrew can speak, the pest replies with a nickname, "Fragile-masculinity Andrew tater-tot! Ehe~"

"Perish." Andrew says as he punt kicks her into the ocean from whence she came. Andrew sighs, "Ugh, just like all the other F E M A L E S. I need to find new clothes as soon as possible."

Andrew starts on his journey through the mountain path. Eventually he comes upon a clearing and he sees a large blue dragon and a small man. "Sick whip you got there, fellow alpha. The name's Andrew, Andrew Tate." Andrew flips his non-existent hair.

The small man in green hears Tate, but chooses to ignore him. "Woah bruv, how much was this sick bugatti?" The dragon hears him and roars at Tate. Tate is pushed slightly back before he gets on all fours and roars back to assert dominance. Venti, the lad in green, looks at Tate in confusion before walking away in shame of what has become of the once great city of Mondstadt.

Andrew, now more proud than ever, keeps on walking down the path as if he hadn't just seen a dragon. On his way down he sees something flash by: a short red and brown blur. Tatey is confused and looks around at his surroundings.

A girl wearing bunny-ears appears in front of him, "Hi there, my name's Amber! You seem a little lost... do you need help with anything?"

Andrew wasn't listening, he was thinking about the top-ten alpha ways to hit on this young woman. He watched so many YouTube videos preparing for this moment and now, his time has come. "Hey sweetheart, I like your..." Andrew pauses and looks up and down at Amber. Amber stands in silence as he fails to notice her obvious discomfort. Andrew lipbites. "—bunny ears..." he ends his sentence with a wink.

Amber decides to take the high road, "Oh um... thank you?"

Andrew takes this as a sign that she wants to get married, she is SO INTO HIS ALPHA MALENESS. "So... what's a hot babe like you doing all alone in the middle of this forest? Looking for a Top G husband?"

"Ahaha..." Amber awkwardly replies, "I'm an outrider for the city of Mondstadt, I stop enemies before they can enter the city." Amber had her bow at the ready but Andrew was too oblivious to notice.

Even though Tatey-tot thought women having jobs was absurd, he felt it necessary not to mention it as the female ego was WEAK. He instead slicks back his luscious non-existent hair and says, "Yo, bbg if you're free after this I'll buy you a new car and maybe even we could have matching Bugattis? ;)"

Amber sighed. "Listen, I don't mean to be rude in any way but I don't actually know what a... Bugata is... but I have a girlfriend back in Mondstadt and her name is Eula and she's so-"

Andrew cuts her off. "YOU'RE ONE OF THEM LGTQWS??? A BETA FEMALE???"

Ignoring his blatant homophobia, Amber replies, "Sir are you alright?"

"NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT, I'M GETTING THE LGFTYQ DISEASE!!" Andrew shoved Amber to the ground in a panicked hurry and runs off spitting, hoping the presence of a LYBUIQZ person hasn't turned him *gags*....gay.

Tate continues on the path until he gets to a large bridge leading to a castle wall with what seemed to be a city in the middle of a lake. He approaches a small child standing on the bridge. "Hello, young BETA MALE. What would the name of this SMALL town be called?"

The child looks up in confusion, "Um, my name's Timmie and I have no idea what you just said, but this is Mondstadt. Are you lost or something?"

"ME? THE TOP G? I AM BIOLOGICALLY UNABLE TO BECOME LOST!" Tate responds.

Timmie starts crying because of Tate's harsh words. "I-I-I'm gonna tell mom about you! I hope you NEVER come back! I even forgave you for scaring away the pigeons!"

Backing away in confusion as the small child bawled his eyes out, Tatey shouts, "I KNEW YOU WERE A BETA MALE FROM THE MOMENT I SAW YOU." Timmie is now on the ground, sobbing. "You shouldn't be allowed to live, such a weakling like you!"

Tate picks up the child and looks left and right to ensure there were no witnesses. Seeing none, Tate starts to hold the small child over the bridge. As he's about to drop the child he hears a feminine voice behind him.

"Traveler! Put the child down, NOW!" Tate quickly looks to see where the voice is coming from: a tall, blonde woman. She's clearly very confident.

Tate spits at her. A WOMAN who thinks she can boss THE TOP G AROUND?!?!?!?! Tate yells back, "I admire your bravery but you have a very poor choice of words, clearly because you are a dyslexic WOMAN."

Tate drops Timmie into the water below as Jean stands in stunned silence. Jean rushes to the bridge and jumps in to save Timmie. Jean grabs Timmie and brings him back ashore as Tate watches from the bridge.

Jean gets back up to the bridge and yells at Tate, "You are BANNED from Mondstadt!"

Tate is offended that a WEAKLING WOMAN would talk to an ALPHA MALE like him in that manner. "FINE I don't want to come into your BETA CITY anyways."

Tate walks away. He continues down a path all the way until he gets to a large city next to an ocean. Andrew walks into the city looking at all the storefronts and the WEAKLING citizens. Not one of them could match his deadlift max or his bank account. Tate walks down a street with bridges and buildings stacked on one another.

As he's walking down the street suddenly a man jumps down from a bridge above. The man had orange hair with a red mask and was dressed in a gray suit. Clearly the man worked out and also had money. Tate was struck by his beauty and handsomeness. "You seem like a TOP G like me, what's your name, ALPHA MALE?"

"My name?" responded the orange-haired man. "Tartaglia Ajax Childe"...