Glimpse of Hope, Touch of Pain.

Chapter 1

 Alowyn POV:

         "Alowyn! ALOWYN!" I hear my mom shouting at me. I run down the stairs as fast as I can, clutching my backpack. "Alowyn there you are. I was getting worried..." my mother says to me. Worried? Ya right. "I was grabbing a few things that I needed mom." I tell her as politely as I can. We've lived in Colorado for as long as I can remember, but ever since she remarried that bastard Matthew, my entire life has fallen to shambles. I hope into the back of the car right as my younger brother climbs in. "Alowyn... I don't think this is a good idea" Renwick whispers to me under his breath. I gently nod my head in agreement as I slip my earbuds in. My mom climbs into the front seat next to her husband, who greets her with a gentle kiss.

         I'm geared up for a 15 hour drive, not including stops, when Matthew reaches back towards me. "Hand it over, spend some time with your family" he says with a smile, gesturing to my MP3 player and my phone. Renwick reluctantly hands his phone over to him as he reaches further back to grab mine. He rests his hand on my thigh and rubs slow circles with his thumb, eyes piercing into mine. I rip out my earbuds as quickly as my shaking hands can manage and hand them to him, avoiding his gaze. Once he's turned around my mom looks behind at me, a sad smile gracing her ageless features. She reaches a hand towards me, an act of comfort, but instead of taking it I look away from her, away from him and instead turn towards the window.

       Renwick gently places his hand atop mine, and I'm glad for the contact. It gives me a moment to slow my heartbeat and calm my thoughts. As we pull out of the driveway Matthew turns on the radio and blasts his country music, gently resting a hand on my moms. I watch without talking as the trees and mountains rush past the window, eventually blurring together as my head runs rampant. Thoughts slowly consume my brain.

        After driving for however long we pulled into a gas station in Fruita, Colorado. Matthew and my mom hope out of the car for a bathroom break, to get snacks and gas. Renwick hangs back and just sits with me for a little, peaceful silence. "Alowyn.... You don't deserve this..." he says quietly as he rubs my shoulder. I feel tears prick my eyes for a short moment, before I wipe my eyes and look towards my brother. Dark eyebags rest on his face, too much so for someone so young. "It's not your fault." I whisper out, voice cracking as I look at him. After he reported everything that goes on behind closed doors Matthew and mom were investigated. Nothing ever came to fruition, but instead of staying in our childhood home he was able to convince my mom to uproot us and move. They say Los Angeles will have more job opportunities for him and her, but I'm not dumb. I saw how people looked as we walked in the store and around school. Eventually things would have been pieced together, so we moved before they could do that.

              We walk into the store and he walks me to the restroom before heading to the mens. I step into the bathroom to see my mother hunched over the sink, breathing shakily. I walk swiftly to a stall but I'm stopped when I feel her grab onto my arm. I feel her hand shaking as I turn to look at her. My poor mother, who once stood tall, looks beaten down beyond recognition. "What" I say shakily, trying to maintain my composure. "I'm sorry... baby girl I'm so-" she stops as I jerk my arm from her grasp. "Don't call me that. Don't EVER call me that" I tell her, my voice raising in anger. "My father left because YOU cheated on him with a MONSTER, and you KNOW what he does, yet you STAY because you 'LOVE' him... but it's clear you don't love me". I tell her, venom lacing my voice. She shakes and reaches out again, but I slap her hand away from me and walk to a stall. I wait until I hear her leave before I breathe out, trying to stop shaking in anger. I hold in my tears, my screams, my anger as I walk back to the car. My brother leaning against the car jogs towards me and takes my hand lightly. I take a quick glimpse at my mom, watch as she walks with slumped shoulders and tired eyes. I want to call out, tell her I don't hate her... but I can't. I can't allow myself to lie like that. We all get into the car and get ready to take off again. Matthew looks at me through the rearview mirror, his eyes dark. I stiffed slightly as I turn sideways towards the window. As we begin again I work to calm my heart, anger bubbling inside me.

                     But it's not just anger, it's an overwhelming sadness and heaviness that comes out as anger around others. For once I'm grateful to not be alone, not be sitting in my room. Not having my doors locked and my curtains closed. I'm grateful that I'm not isolated with these feelings swimming around me. I tug my sleeves down over my hands as we continue driving. Resting my head on the window, I take a shaky breath and close my eyes. Praying that when I wake up these past 12 years will all of been a nightmare, praying I wake up.

          When I open my eyes again it's dark outside, the road blurs past me. The car is quiet with the sounds of my brother and mom sleeping in their seats. My muscles burn and beg to be stretched, but fear of being awake alone with him grips my soul like a vice. So I remain still, keeping my breathing even and slow, eyes closed as we continue driving. I hear my brother stir next to me as he begins waking up. I stay as I am until he reaches over and gently shakes me, I know it's for show, his own personal way of letting me know that he's awake and that I can now move. I pretend to be roused from sleep, keeping my voice low and groggy, and I stretch my legs and arms as much as the car will allow me. My guess is that we stopped for gas while I was asleep. We're in Beaver City, Utah now. As we pull up to the gas station my mother begins to wake up.

        We all get out, as everyone walks to the restroom I walk to the aisle with medicine. I grab a bottle of melatonin. I have a bit of cash that I use for more illicit things, but I'd rather be asleep for the rest of this trip. I walk to the counter and buy the bottle, along with a bottle of water and walk to the bathroom. Both items tucked into my shirt. I look around the corner to make sure I don't see my mom, and rush to a stall. After closing the door I open the bottle quietly and wait til I hear a toilet flush before shaking a small handful out of the bottle. 7, 8, 9 I count in my head. After counting out how many I grabbed I take a mouthful of water and pop the melatonin into my mouth, taking all I grabbed at once. 

         After stuffing toilet paper into the bottle so that the pills don't rattle I exit the bathroom as calmly as possible. Matthew is at the gas pump filling up the extra fuel canisters he brought along, 2 empty 5 Hour Energies laying on the ground at his feet. I climb into the car knowing this will be the last stop of the trip, that when I wake again we will be in Los Angeles. Renwick looks at me knowingly and hands me a bag of chips. I absentmindedly eat them and drink my water, waiting for the pills to kick in and take me to sleep. Matthew puts the canisters into the trunk and we take off again. After what feels like an hour my eyelids begin to droop as my limbs feel weighted. My brother looks at me with concern on his face before he scoots closer and rests my head on his shoulder. 

       The last thing I see before sleep claims me for the rest of the trip is my mother looking back at me, sadness in her eyes. I can't bring myself to feel pity as I drift to sleep. There is none in my heart for her.