Sighing I put my pounding head on my knees.
I rose and walked out of the room, finding Father drinking his soul out,
Mother, screaming and throwing a things around.
I see the tears, blood stains, bad smells, cursing.
I wiped my teary eyes, took a big gulp of air and walked out of the house.
Mother yelling at me at the doorway, she stops as soon as she sees me lay in the yard.
Watching the stars made me feel better.
I hear the autumn leaves crutch under my mother's feet as she walked over.
"Maddie, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
Wrong.
I can't tell her anything, about the thoughts, crimes, abuse.
Instead, I weep.
I cry louder than the coyotes at midnight.
I could feel my mother's hand across my back.
"Everything will be ok"
Wrong again.
Everything is gone, happiness, smiles, happy family.
I play with my shoes strings and pick at my nails.
Tears staining my white tee, I opened my mouth to say anything to mother.
Nothing came.
Absolutely not a sound came out.
My mother tried making me feel better with her hugs.
They felt empty to me.
Everything is empty with or without her or him.
I stood and walked out on the sidewalk,
mother quickly following.
"Dear, please talk to your mother."
I gulped and thought about what was I going to say.
"You're no mother of mine."
I could tell those word hit deeper then the biggest Black Hole.
She stopped in her tracks and watched me, fading into darkness.
My thoughts were crazy.
Go back.
Say something.
I just tossed them options away and flicked some headphones on, blasting a random song.
I kicked the rocks around the yards of houses I wished I lived in.
Nothing felt right to me anymore.
I thought about going back to comfort my sad mother.
I had no feelings anymore.
The cut between my finger didn't feel pain.
My back felt heavy as I looked up and saw Mitchell.
I smiled and hugged him deeply.
"Your Mother and Father again?"
I nodded and he just hugged me tighter.
"Everything will be ok, Momma"
I cried in my son's arm and tried to forget the Hallucinations of my parents.
That scene comes every day, every minute.
I slowly let go of Mitchell and as I smiled he said softly.
"I'm glad your my mommy, I love you"
I smiled, "I love you to buddy"
And at that we walked into the morning sun down to the park, leaves in my son's hair.
I pick them out and soon find myself picking my nails in the yard.
With my mother beside me, no emotions came.
* It's currently 2am, came up with this *
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