Pt::#3 ~ "The party"

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I was currently eating breakfast with my dad, brother and sister

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I was currently eating breakfast with my dad, brother and sister. It was Saturday and even tho my dad had to work, he still decides to eat breakfast with us, so we can spend time. But after her death, it was never the same. We all dealt with our grief differently, personally I never dealed with it, I just bottle up my feelings and closed off from everyone.

"Any plans for today?" My dad asks

I shake my head no and my siblings reply to him verbally.

"You okay Ale?" Ask my father. And I nod.

Lately my thoughts revolved around her. Her death impacted me in the worst way possible. All of their deaths did. I remember feeling so lonely,helpless and sad for weeks. Because they were all taken from me. I wish they could be here. I would do anything just to have a couple of minutes with them.

Fucking hell, I'd give my life, if it meant that they got to live. I missed them so fucking much! This time was always painful. December gets worst tho, I can barely handle myself during that month
Last year I had Liam with me to bear how I felt but this year, I had no one. Not one single person to help me deal with this! Sometimes I still feel helpless, sad, and lonely. If I could just bring them all back then I would, but sadly that wasn't an option.

I lost a lot of people during these times. Firstly, I lost my mom, then I lost my grandma, after that my aunt and cousins were killed. This all happened the same year, the same month just different days. Recently, two years ago I lost Aria, one of my best friends. She died due to her diabetes. Sadly she also died in December. Every single fucking person I have cared for, has died in December.

"I'm fine" I reassure my dad.

"Okay" he says softly. He gets up and starts getting his car keys, jacket, badge and gun.

He tucks the gun in his holster and says he'll be back by the time he came back yesterday. Yesterday I stayed up waiting for him. I cooked his favorite food and wanted to be awake to heat it up and make sure he ate. I also wanted to make sure he came back safe. It was 1:47 in the morning when he came home meaning that today he would probably be home around that hour too. We all nod and before walking outside the door he says "don't wait up for me Ale, go to sleep you need your rest. And don't stay in the house all day, go out and do something fun"

He then extended his hand, holding out two 100 dollar bills. I shake my head no. I still had the 100 dollars he gave me yesterday for dinner. I wasn't about to take 200 more.

"Just take it, Kiddo" he says and I do. Not really wanting to.

I put it my pocket of my sweatpants and by then he had already walked out and was reversing out the driveway. I watched, until his car was no longer visible. Every weekend, the same routine. Just like clockwork! I look back to my siblings and notice that Kate is no longer in the kitchen and Andrew is texting someone. 

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