Misfits (#2)

39.

I always dreamed of graduating. It would be my moment to finally be free, when I can finally leave the manor and pave my own way. Nobody would hurt me again.

Of course, I was a kid then and throwing caps in the air and listening to speeches didn't turn out to be the most exciting thing. Still, a sense of pride settles in. We all graduated today and I hadn't seen Everest for most of the ceremony, except for when he walked across the stage. I had to reign in my smile when he'd bowed, over-dramatically, to the crowd and they all cheered for him the loudest. I couldn't let much show because my brothers were beside me.

Mom hadn't come but I honestly preferred it. I was relieved when I knew I wouldn't have to tiptoe around her presence.

But behind that facade of his, Everest's hurting. Every day Luca's gone, it's like he's losing a bit of himself. He'll smile for Ria and joke with his friends and at the end of the day, he'll sneak into the manor. He won't speak much when he'll crawl besides me, silently seeking comfort.

It's like his reprieve. When night falls, his resolve weakens. When night falls, he can't hold up his own shoulders anymore and sinks into that dark place in his head.

Most times, he'll wake in the middle of the night anyways and I'll find him perched on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. I pry alcohol away from him. I do my best to make him smile but-

But I can't fix him. I'm incapable of it. The loss of Luca is an anvil, bearing on his shoulders every day and I don't know if he'll ever be the same. Some people never recover from loss and their friendship, Luca and Everest's, I don't know how one could be okay without the other living.

I haven't been able to truly be happy, unless he has a good day. Maybe I shouldn't be so codependent or whatever but I don't care. Everyday that he's upset is one that I can't enjoy.

"Vy?"

I snap out of it, looking up to Valencia.

"Sorry." I run a hand through my hair, feeling horrible, "I'm really sorry, were you saying something?"

Her gaze softens. I look away from it because if she looks sad, I'll start crying. The sight of somebody else's tears makes me bawl like a baby. I really don't want to be upset which is why when Val offered for us to go on an ice-cream date, I said yes.

I've been horrible company. Barely able to pay attention.

She takes my hand in hers, "It's okay. You don't have to apologise to me, bug. Everybody's going through it right now and you're allowed to be sad too."

I drop my head in my hands, my shoulders tense when I mumble, "I hate seeing him sad." Even the way my voice starts to shake makes me want to sob. God, it's been a difficult week.

It feels like he's getting worse by the day but just better at hiding it. I don't know how to help.

"I know." She says softly, "You and him- you both have the most precious hearts. But you can't take everything on your shoulders. Everest does the same."

"I want to fix it all." I pull away from my hands and look at her, "I wish- sometimes, I wish we were all so boring and normal and plain. That we had no worries and nothing to hurt over."

Valencia's eyes drop now, a small sad chuckle leaving her, "Yeah. We're a sad bunch, huh?"

Val's smile is soft and beautiful, her blonde hair like a gentle curtain around her face. She keeps my hand in hers, "But we'll be okay. Hurt is what binds people together, it's what makes us gravitate. If you were both ordinary, you wouldn't have fallen in love like that. In such a beautiful way."