The Desultory Brain of Me

My Heart Broke Too ~ Break Up IV

My Heart Broke Too

"Are you freaking serious?" 

I felt the overwhelming urge to punch something, preferably the face of him, Thomas the Traitor who was about to break my best friend's heart. With any luck I would manage to break it too. 

"Yes," Tina nodded furiously, a sad sort of anger in her eyes. She had just broken the news to me; our friend Marie was going to be brutally dumped in just a few short hours. "He told me this weekend. He said he didn't know what to do because he felt like he was lying to her by continuing it but he doesn't want to hurt her either." 

"That's a load of crap," I muttered. "He's gonna hurt her in the end anyway, whether or not he 'wants to,'"

"I know, and I feel so, so bad." Tina looked thoughtful for a moment before adding, "Do you think we should tell her?" 

"Absolutly not," I said firmly with a shake of my head despite the doubts that I still had. "He should be the one to tell her." 

"But Emily and Ariel say Marie would want us to tell her," Tina moaned in conflict. "Oh my god, what do we do?" I had no answer for her, and we made our way to first period in silence. 

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

For the millionth time my eyes floated to the chat menu where the names Tina, Emily, Ariel, and Maria were listed. Beside them only one green dot was present. I clicked on Ariel's name and quickly typed a message to her. 

Cirie: Hey

Ariel: Did you hear....?

Cirie: Yep :(

Ariel: I almost wish tina hadn't told us. and I wish thomas hadn't told her

Ariel: When's he gonna do it

Cirie: after band rehearsal today

Ariel: lovely

After a brief conversation about our English essay, Ariel logged off, and I picked up my useless, texting-not-allowed phone from the cluttered table and scrolled through my contacts till I got to Emily's name. After three rings she picked up. 

"Hey babe," she greeted me with her usual greeting, but her tone was, for once, subdued and gloomy. 

"I'm worried about Maria," I said, not bothering to say hello. She sighed. 

"Me too. Ariel told me Thomas was gonna do it after band today. When does that end?" 

I shrugged, even though she couldn't see me. "Probably 4:30, maybe 5:00?" 

"That's in. . . half an hour," her tired voice informed me. I rolled my eyes. As if I didn't already know that. 

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

I purposfully lingered in the French classroom a few minutes everyone else had gone off to lunch. When I finally made my way down the stairs and to our usual lunch spot, everyone except Thomas was there already. I guess he wanted to avoid having his face smashed in by one of us. 

"Hey guys," I made my entrance and sat myself down beside Ariel, sneaking a glance at Maria. She seemed perfectly fine and was deeply absorbed in her Geometry homework. 

"Hi Anna!" she chirped as I sat down. "I wrote a really sad story last night, and it's weird because I didn't even realize it was sad until I finished it cuz it was, like, ten at night and I had no clue what I was doing, like, I even started to write with cursive, I mean who even does that anymore?" She laughed and held out a black and white mottled composition book to me. I opened it and began to read. 

You never know exactly what you have until it's gone, beyond reach, farther than the shores of lands across the oceans, farther than the sun to the earth, farther than the reaches of the universe. She didn't understand that until now, now when he was standing there in front of her, a sorry look in those beautiful eyes. Why hadn't she noticed how gorgeous his eyes were before? And now, as his lips moved to speak the fatal words, she couldn't comprehend what was going on. It couldn't be. But it was. 

His love had ended, as neverending as it had seemed. And as his words finally penetrated the fog that was filling her mind grief pounded down on her, heavier than any rain. What had happened? She forgot how to breathe, she forgot how to think, I forgot how to do everything except to drink in his appearance, the last time I would ever see him like that. 

I stopped reading then, unable to go on. This was no story. My eyes trailed over the change from third person to first person. No, this was much more than a story. I took a deep breath and willed myself to flip to the next page, and although my eyes traveled over the words I couldn't bring myself to read them. The last line, however, I forced myself to read. 

And maybe I can't speak what I feel, but through writing maybe she can relieve some of the hurt. 

She had even signed it. Slowly I cosed the notebook and handed it back to her, one of my many masks back on my face. 

"That is so awesome!" I grinned. "It was really sad, but it was so well written too!" She smiled at me. 

"Thanks, considering I wrote this at ten o'clock last night and I had no idea what I was doing, I thought it turned out pretty good. Maybe I should write more late at night when I'm sleepy because I definitly write better like that." She laughed again, and for the first time I noticed how unnaturally shrill it was. 

"Can I read it?" Ariel held out her hand for the notebook and opened it. As she read her expression changed ever so subtly. Evidently she was as good an actor in real life as I was. 

"It's so beautiful, Marie," she smiled. Maria smiled back, the smile of someone lying. 

And my heart broke right along with hers.